good for you - what a ****ed-up world

This. Good thing you were in the right place at the right time.

I eagerly await the parody thread.

My lady works in child psychology. If they go "hands on" they have to know how to correctly put them in a hold. It's lame, I know. If you don't do it as you're trained I guess they can label it child abuse or something. Even if they sink their teeth into you as hard as they can you gotta follow your training.

But did you quit smoking

If you use a Figure 4 leglock I bet they can't get their teeth close enough to bite you. However, children are limber and I'm not certified, so I could be wrong.

Well played.

That would be a hell of a lot more fun.

I was turned in to the state by a student and his grandma for child abuse this past school year. Luckily, I had done everything by "the book" as far as hands on went, and had plenty of witnesses. That doesn't mean I wasn't scared shitless during the investigation and interview process, though.
It also helps that this kid wayyy overplayed his hand, complained of nonexistent injuries and damages, and that our school resource officer was present the entire time my restraint of him was taking place. I'll be honest, though, when I got that letter from the state, I seriously wished I had actually done the things he accused me of. That's some career ending shit, if it hasn't gone my way.

Great job bro.

8/9 years old in a diaper???

Gotta be some sort of special needs kid.

She definitely was.
I saw no signs of abuse. She was clean, her hair was nice, she didn't seem malnourished or anything.
I suspect that she either lives here in the neighborhood or was at a relative's house, had been out down for a nap, and "escaped."
She had no communication skills other than grunting and yelling, and was trying to bite.
I really wish I knew the conclusion of the story. It's gonna eat at me for a while.

Could you just call the police station and ask?

I guess I could. I just assume they can't give out that info, especially involving a minor.

If you know what station the cops were from, you can go down there and tell them who you are. They might be willing to give you some answers.