A Proposal for the Benefit of Society.
 

Proposed Legislation

If Person A says something to Person B, and Person B is offended by it, the situation should be put to a vote of 384 randomly selected members of the public, representative of the age and gender makeup of the population of the state in which the comment took place.

If 90% or more agree that there was no legitimate reason to get offended, then Person A should be allowed to kick Person B once, in any soft tissue region of the body other than the eye or the genitals. If the vote exceeds 95%, the genitals shall be included in the list of potential targets.

If, on the other hand, at least 90% agree that the comment was indeed offensive, then Person B should be allowed to kick Person A in similar said soft tissue region, also with the same 95% provision on target areas.

The benefits of this policy would be social training for people who say offensive things, and social training for people who like to play the victim card, along with potential sterilization for the worst offenders. Possible negative outcomes of this policy would be higher health care costs and potential disparate impacts in the policy by gender and physical size and/or strength.

Any physically handicapped person who is unable to kick, or is judged by a government-appointed committee of no fewer than three members to be unable to kick with sufficient force to have the desired effect, shall be allowed to select a designee to kick for them from a pool of 12 randomly selected registered voters.

Comments made in a language not understood by Person B will still be actionable, so long as at least one person within earshot speaks the language in which the comment was made.

The vote can be initiated by either Person A or Person B, so long as one additional neutral witness concurs, or a joint submission by any two nearby neutral persons who actually heard the comment being uttered. "Neutral" shall be defined as a person who has no formal or informal affiliation with either Person A or Person B.

Who is Person B?

FAX

Is there a special provision for being mean on the Internet?

I voted no way. I find that often threaten to bludgeon the children of people who take too long wth self-checkout. That may not go over so well.

We already have legislation for that.

I'd rather just have a law where it was legal for me to hit anyone who pisses me off, or offends me...in the gooch with a hay hook.

I think this legislation has what you're looking for, but with safeguards that are reasonable and appropriate. I'll appreciate your vote in November.

Now, that's what I call a friggin' law.

FAX

You have waaay too much time on your hands. Do you ever work?

If the dang employees would finish their work, I'd go home. But I have to set a good example and not leave until they do. They think I'm in here working right alongside them. It's called leadership.

I bet the employees are calling you Person A right now.

Leadership is a heavy burden.

Does anyone know the rules to Minesweeper?

Allow disabled people to select from a pool of NFL kickers and punters during their off-season. :shrug:

THEN you'd have my vote. :)

I can't decide without seeing the statute.

The actual legislation will include a rider to build a $300 million bridge in Senator Byrd's home state of West Virginia.