Allow me to reintroduce myself...
 

Hey, everybody! I tried to find a thread for noobs to introduce themselves, but to no avail. So I decided to make one, just for me! Sorry!

My name is Doug but you can call me carcosa because I created this account when True Detective was still on. If I were joining the site today, I'd probably be called The Guilty Remnant or some shit.

Anyway, I signed up for an account a few months ago after being an occasional lurker for quite a while. I made several unremarkable posts before getting super busy with real life stuff over the summer. Now that the Chiefs season is almost upon us, I've decided to rededicate myself to making many, many more unremarkable posts, starting today!

A few things you should know about me:

• I've been a Chiefs fan since before I can remember. In fact, one of my earliest memories is of 6-year-old me crying and cursing a certain kicker's name. I was hoping he'd be in Hell by now but according to Wikipedia he's an investment manager with Texas Farm Bureau in Waco, Texas. Close enough, I guess.
• After the playoff loss to the Broncos in 1998, I tore off my Chiefs shirt, threw it on the ground, and stomped on it. I tearfully swore that I'd never root for the Chiefs again. 16 years later, I'm not only still rooting for them, I'm paying for Sunday Ticket just so I can watch them continue to disappoint me, like some kind of goddamn masochist.
• Come to think of it, most of my traumatic childhood memories involve Chiefs playoff losses. Guess that means I had it pretty good, huh!
• All that negative rep you see under my screen name comes from my ill-fated attempt at humor in this thread. I promise I'm not as trollish as all those red boxes would seem to indicate!
• I'm a KU fan and graduate, which in my estimation means about 60% of you hate me already. I'm okay with that! If I hadn't been a student there during their National Championship win in 2008, I'd have literally no idea what winning feels like.
• I think the Chiefs still have a shot at making the playoffs this year because I'm a ****ing idiot.

Looking forward to following another doomed season with you guys. If you have any advice or insults for me, fire away!

I hope you get AIDS from Michael Sam

Self-awareness is important.

Welcome.

Interesting!

I already don't like this guy. Ban?

Waco, Texas is not hell. Screw you, dude. Thats where Dr. Pepper was invented.

...and welcome to the board.

Oh, shit. Good point. Dr Pepper is bar none my favorite soft drink. Maybe it can only be so good because it was created by the devil, though???

Don't be fooled. It's actually Lin Elliot.

Unfortunately you didn't refer to our FAQ before making this thread. Taking the Lord's name in vein is strictly prohibited, and results in an instant, permanent ban. We wish you success with your future board!

ROFL

Well that escalated quickly.gif

Whoops!

Wait, how did you know "The lord's name" is what I call heroin???

My ex loved Dr. Pepper and now he's dead.

There will be no shooting up of the Lord's name on Chiefs Planet.

You sound like a really boring person.

Congrats.

You son of a bitch!

getting ugly

DR.PEPPER 23

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You sound grumpy. Did someone not get laid on their birthday?

Thanks!

ROFL Ouch. Oops. And I'm vayne enough to be embarrassed.

.

I just hate boring n00bs so sue me. I never created a thread when I joined this cesspool.

too bad the trend didn't include posting in general and continue forever

You, on the other hand, seem fascinating! :)

That's cool. Are you blackbob?

Damn bro. My feelings are hurt now.

I didn't find it necessary to announce my presence either. I was just joking around with you since it is your birthday.

Do you have a problem with LewDog?


You better back the **** up

Are you the kind of person that would take 26 items to the 20 items or less checkout at walmart?

we all know you have no heart.

Don't pretend you have feelings.

I'm strictly a self-checkout kind of guy.

Not at all. LewDog is one if my favorite posters. I even listed him in the nice posters thread. He's infinitely cooler than you.

I know, and I was graciously telling this poster how this forum works. He just seems lost.

Really, I'm upset because my football game went into a lightning delay and now it will overlap quite a bit with the Royals. ****!

Mama didn't raise no chump

LOL

Dude, have I done some posting to piss you off? I honestly don't remember?

I'm not sure weather you meant to spell it that way...

Watch out for the Bronco fans here dude, they're assholes.

Constantly.

I miss the old days when a new member had to submit a video of himself shooting a random stranger. This place has grown soft.

I'm sorry. I had no idea your mother died during your birth.

Allow myself to introduce...........myself

RIP Trayvon Martin

There's no n00b thread because nobody cares about you

Need more. Skip...

With the video camera, right?

I'm a man of wealth and taste.

Look on the bright side. Detroit lost with Scherzer pitching. How are the Grizzlies doing?

She swallowed a .45 shell to hide some evidence for pops and it gave me an appetite for murder.

Up 6-3 against an FBS school so that's pretty cool!

I haven't seen Zim32771 posting much recently. Maybe he's been busy at work or something.

Hmm... based on all the earnest, compassion-filled threads I've read on here over the past several months, I was expecting a much warmer welcome...

See this Mother****er has Planet chops...

Thanks for the heads up. You'll let me know if one starts posting in this thread, right?

Rep yo hood blood

ROFL

Of course...

Cool, thanks. I can already tell you're going to be one of my best Chiefs fan friends.

I'll pray for your anus after this abortion of a thread.

Full disclosure, I'm a dirty Bronco... But you knew that

I don't think that's how abortions work.

Hazing must commence. Video yourself drinking a pint of Antifreeze.

WHAT

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/O0oo0.gif



ROFL

If only your mother knew how abortions work.

Try the robin Williams rope challenge or race tony stewart

welcome, dude.. liked your OP.

Advice? Hate everything Alex Smith and 49ers. You do that, and you will be golden here. :thumb:

ROFL

That's ****ed

Welcome aboard young man...

Already better than inmen

Oh, trust me, she does. The "doctor" she met behind the QuikTrip, though, not so much...

ROFL Nice catch.

And that's why you always leave a note!!!

If you ever need to get laid, xztop123 is the man to talk to.

We'll talk shit with you next year (maybe)...

He's not kidding people, why I remember his first day like it was yesterday.

http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/o...117/Killed.gif

A few things we should know about you?

I don't care what your real name is.
I don't care how long you've been a Chiefs fan.
I don't care where you went to school.
I don't care where you live.

I just don't ****ing care about any of it.

Now, go the **** away.

Sticky this post please.