CP's Roast of.....Hootie presented by rico
 

Alright, rico, billay, and anyone else wanting to do some roasting of the enigma Hootie here is your stage. If it's popular, we'll continue with the series. If it blows...well we'll just pretend it never happened.

Hootie likes Peyton Manning so much that you'd think he was a cornerback opposing him in the playoffs.

Chuck Norris's dick is so big it has it's own dick. And chuck Norris's dick's dick is bigger than hootie's dick.

This blows
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I don't think cops should make dick jokes. Especially Chuck Norris dick jokes.

As you are an expert in the field of blowing, I will defer to your expertise.

In fairness, I didn't stretch properly before posting.

hootie is a great guy and one of my very best friends. I like everything he has ever posted and he is the smartest at football on CP.

IQ of 175+

Hootie doesn't get tipped by black people, pisses (literally)on his friends, and gambles like a mother ****er.




Do we really need to roast him?

one time when hootie was 18 years old he went on a camping trip with his friends...while he was in a tent he pretended to give his best friend head...his best friend pelvic thrusted and stabbed hootie in the tooth with his erect penis

wait is this a roast or real stories?

Walk off Homerun. ROFL

Considering this was your friend, I hope you finished him off. Nothing ends a friendship quicker than blueballing a mother****er.

I [have] a weird group of friends.

Bukkake

where I went to school our class was literally known as the 'gay' class

we took team showering a little too seriously

Frazod is fat

my friend Kenny and I go out all of the time and try to bang as many girls as possible...he's like my mentor

well a fan favorite is when we kiss on the lips in front of people...I mean, you get shocked looks

we were at a bar and these dudes were listening to us roast the waitress so they came over and started taking shots with us...and then we started playing bags...and then when Kenny threw a walk off 3 pointer we embraced one another with an aggressive high five and then, naturally, a kiss on the lips

they were appauled. It was awesome. They literally left that bar within 5 minutes of that happening...they juts couldn't filter what they had just seen

well last night we went to a bar to watch the Heat game and they have those legal gambling machines...well he was playing and he hit a bonus...and it was literally just me, him and his brother...

well he hit a jackpot and instinctively we did our gay little kiss thing...and then we realized NO ONE was there

and we decided it was SUPER gay

Another shart. Darn.

which doesn't even come close to the beer pong psyche out of pass the gum me and one of my friends played

which resulted in our opponents getting so disgusted they left the entire party...not just the premise

like in...

as they were leaving...

someone was like "wait, where are you guys going?"

and they were like..."we just can't handle that."

I must admit that I do live vicariously through Hootie's fascinating stories about his life. They really are enthralling.

Pray continue, Hootie.

ROFL

Where the hell is rico??

Funny thing is I thought of Hootie this weekend when I was on the river. I, sitting happily in my raft with 3 of my dearest friends, had to endure an incredibly drunk homo who decided the last quarter mile he would stand on his cooler and whip out his pecker (which were in crotchless panties nonetheless)


Immediately I said holy ****, it's hootie in real life.

outrageous frats are outrageous.

I was never in a frat I'm an adult.

oh and I think you have to be enrolled in school and only homo's get degrees!!!

Wait. Wut?


I thought that was you?
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Y'all haven't figure this out, have you?

Hootie generally owns his degenerate status. As such, it's really not that much fun burning him on it.

You have to let him get his mane up and start jabbing at him when he believes he's standing on principle in order to get a real rise out of him. Every now and then he thinks he's being an honest to God grownup. It's only then you can show him how badly he's failed at it (and as we all know, he will fail at it). That's when you get him pretty riled up.

But calling him a douchebag fratboy bartender/pizza boy doesn't accomplish much. He's aware he's a douchebag fratboy bartender/pizza boy and around 80% of the time, he gives zero ****s about that fact.

This venture is doomed to failure before it truly starts. In fact, it does little more than give him the attention he so yearns, which will provide him more fuel for reveling in being a douchebag fratboy bartender/pizza boy. You fellas clearly don't pay much attention.

But y'all have fun with it...

JIMP

I know. Why do you think I'm enabling it with these threads ROFL rico couldn't pull the trigger (DaFace insert that awesome gif of the baby trying to kick the ball here) but his work needs to be seen. I need to see his roast.

See what I mean?
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Definitely couldn't have said this better myself.

Ah...there's an impetus here...I see.

I generally hop into that thread in the morning to see if there's anything interesting on the page that I'm actually on (and it's usually jumped by about 5 pages). If there isn't, I leave and come back the next day.

Oh rico, what have you done...

weak sauce.

I know you are but what am I?

He doesn't have the courage to be an adult.

I know, I know.


I'm not very good at this roasting thingy.


Btw what river you floating on?
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Hootie once banged every chick 20 miles out in his local area on Plenty of Fish...without a rubber

Why should he grow up if he doesn't have to?

elk, great time save the pearly pecker flopper

Bloody vaginal discharge

I don't understand why it bothers people either.

He isn't on welfare. He's isn't a drain on the system.
Shit I've worked for everything I've ever gotten. nothing has ever been given to me. Grew up in the ghetto. Pops worked hard for everything he has.

and the way he lives his life doesn't bother me in the least. Hell sometimes I wish I had nothing to answer to. No real responsibilities. Even just for a week lol.
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I didn't say that he should.

Awesome, we go the niangua river a couple times a year
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No its not. lol red. The keystoners were pussys
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This is wet and smells like piss..... It's time to flip the mattress again

jacks fork and current...what?
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this thread is so awesome...

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/G5wO1ObZYLw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I've been there too. Thought it sucked. No current on the current river, at least when we were there
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Yep.


Since my business took off years ago I look back at my "No Responsibility" days with envy.

But, I will admit, when I actually do have a wild weekend with the old friends it is VERY nice to go back home to the family.

Lol. I'm with ya.

And I played little league for john's market in blue springs as a yout.

With Derrick Wathan. My dad drive me all the way there for every practice and game.

My cousin lived in blue springs
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Every year for the past 6 me and some high school buddies go on our annual "man trip"
Inevitably, every year somebody makes an ass of themselves and wins the coveted "horses ass" award.

Definitely not a float I'd take the kiddies on. Looking for a different spot for that this summer.

I'm the same way, lol
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wow - yes - I remember Jon's Market - they had two locations, originally - 40 hwy and the other North on 7, - for some reason I enjoyed going there as a child, I also remember they had a badass girls softball team - my sister played against them a few times. Jennifer played for Liddle Sport Shop - she was a pitcher - great sling-shot delivery!

Lets just save the trouble and pretend it ever happened...now

Really? I prefer the Current to most every other river I've floated.

guess it depends on what you're looking for...i like to stop a lot and stomp around...fish and whatnot.
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Hootie's the kind of son of a bitch who'd piss on your back and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give you a reach around.

Go on.

I thought I'd be safer that route. Oh well

http://www.jollybengali.net/amrikanc...etaljacket.jpg

Even bastardized.

Circle jerk

Christ, even this thread is uninteresting. Color me sad.

Hootie never buys TP because he never finishes shit.

badda bing

yeah I played when they had the old 40 hwy location. John Wathan helped out a lot. We practiced at his house in deer run
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Well we went on like a 16 mile float and had to paddle the whole way lol. And it wasn't supposed to rain and of course it did all day
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35
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Like I said it was probably just one bad day...
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Nice.

Am I the only one who thinks Hootie makes up the majority of his stories. I've had several friends over the years that were extremely wild. You know what they all had in common? None of them bragged about the shit they did. They left all the talking about their exploits to other people.

I like to float then drive home and sleep in my bed too. LMAO
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I think he tells the truth.

But I'm usually a guy who is like your friends, hell I could tell some crazy stories just since I've been on cp but most people would think I'm full of shit.
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He's talking about piping sluts, not storming the beaches of Normandy.

I didn't run around there too much. I lived in armourdale
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