Originally Posted by htismaqe (Post 9133799)

The only way him going to Thanksgiving dinner helps her is if she LEAVES WITH HIM afterwards.

Him showing up proves nothing since things go back to "normal" the minute he closes the door.

Originally Posted by htismaqe (Post 9133808)

Abuse.

Originally Posted by patteeu (Post 9133822)

And by "abuse", what do you mean?

Originally Posted by patteeu (Post 9133647)

You would be there right? Are you worried that he might overpower you and light into your mom or your kids while you're licking your wounds? This just has the ring of rationalization to me. Your mom didn't take your advice and it irks you. If you're too uncomfortable, then by all means stay home. But let's be clear that you're putting your feelings ahead of your mom's if you make that choice.

If this guy is really a serious, imminent threat to your mom or anyone who shows up at Thanksgiving, then maybe you and your siblings should be holding an intervention instead of worrying about where to have Thanksgiving.

Originally Posted by Saul Too (Post 9133646)

Let's look at it differently.

What would you want your children to do if you died and your wife was dating an abusive man (far enough in the future when they would be the same age that you are now)?

Originally Posted by htismaqe (Post 9133909)

God you can be a dickhead sometimes.

Read the original post...

she's sobbing as she tells me her fiance (my dad passed 4 years ago) has been verbally abusing her and shoving her and she has decided to have a restraining order and have him removed from the house.

Do you REALLY want to imply that she's a liar or is too naive to understand what actually constitutes abuse?

She said he's abusing her. Therefore, we can only assume she's being abused, unless of course you're implying one of the above.

Originally Posted by Mile High Mania (Post 9133740)

You're all warm and fuzzy, aren't ya big guy. Again, there's a lot here that we don't know. I'm reading this as a deal where his mom had been married to his father for most of their lives - he died 4 years ago and this may be the first relationship she's been in since then. If so, it's unfortunate that she chose poorly.

I'm also taking a guess here that if that is true - she doesn't have a wealth of dating experience and much like that generation, is used to the guy calling the shots - thereby resulting in her having no freaking clue as to how she might escape this abusive relationship.

If all of that is bullsh and she has a history here... then, sure let her figure it out. But, that's where I'm coming from with my commentary.

Originally Posted by patteeu (Post 9133969)

No, I want to hear what you think it means. I'm completely up to speed on what the original post says.

Originally Posted by tooge (Post 9133970)

thats pretty spot on. He beat his first wife and so she left him as, at least that is what I was told by his son that he barely talks to. I fear that my mother just needs someone, anyone because of loneliness. My mom knew this guy in high school. He has two sons, one barely talks to him, the other I spoke with and he thinks they should be apart for some time. That is the back story to this.

Originally Posted by Rain Man (Post 9133471)

It seems to me like he shouldn't push you out of your own family. Just go and keep your distance from him. Your mother will eventually have to be the one who makes the final call on the guy, and you can't control that.

Originally Posted by Dartgod (Post 9133479)

Are you?

I don't know what your relationship with your mom is like, but if you are really "there for her" then you should be there.

Originally Posted by C-Mac (Post 9133498)

This.

Showing respect to your mom is also respecting your principles.
Lack of self control or allowing him to get between you and your mom would not be respecting your principles.
You can always excuse yourself and just leave if an issue arises.

Originally Posted by patteeu (Post 9133513)

I like this approach best of the ones posted so far. As long as your mother wants him there, I don't know why you (tooge, not Rain Man) think it's a good thing to put her in a position of having to choose between the two of you.