ChiefsPlanet - Life Married members: Did you seek permission/blessing?

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Married members: Did you seek permission/blessing? (https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=268963)

What if the father is a chief fan and thinks we should go OT with the first pick and give Castle another shot under a new coach?

Pretty sure I didn't.

Wouldn't now, either. Being nearly 40 myself.

Course I haven't dated anybody for 10 years. Not likely to be something I gotta worry about.

I did not. However, my first wife's father was estranged. I was with my current wife for 5 years before we were married so her father essentially told me it was time to marry her so we skipped right past the permission portion.

Most women get married when they are adults, why would an adult have to ask the wife's parent's for permission??

On that note marriage is a dying tradition in itself

Quote:

Originally Posted by saphojunkie (Post 9324084)

Of course it's the woman's choice. You're not being progressive, just kind of douchy. If it's really the woman's choice to you, then why are you going to ask? If she wants to get married, she can bloody well ask you.

The truth is, you are sticking with SOME tradition - as in, you're the one asking. You get a ring, too? You think a woman is a raccoon and needs a shiny object to keep her distracted while you circle the tree?

If you don't want to ask the parents, fine. But I would sincerely suggest you get off your high horse and at least talk with them about it first.

Just a way to say, "look, I wanted you to know that I have thought about this, and I am not going into this impulsively or without a plan. I hope you will be happy about it."

You're not giving them a say, but you are showing respect. Just remember, you're going to have to see these people for a long time. You will see them infinitely more than your own family, in my experience.

I'm going to ask her because it's my choice, too. Yes, I'm not abandoning all tradition. I think a ring is a great symbol of the marriage. But I don't see the point in asking the father. We are on good terms. I show respect for them in many ways and respect for his daughter in many ways. He would only say yes, and if he said no, then what? We would still be married and it would be really weird. This courtship has gone on long enough that if he had reservations, they would have been expressed long ago.

I don't anticipate ever telling my daughter that the person she wants to marry should get my permission or blessing first.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewChief (Post 9324154)

I didn't do it, due to the logistics of it all and the place I was at in my personal life and beliefs at the time. Looking back, it's one of the major regrets of my life.

Is that because of how you feel about it, or how your in-laws feel about it?

if you have a daughter do you expect your future son in law to ask you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by DonkyPuncher (Post 9324207)

Most women get married when they are adults, why would an adult have to ask the wife's parent's for permission??

On that note marriage is a dying tradition in itself

That's a good point. The tradition legally stems from the Tort of Seduction. A father could sue in civil court the person who married/took away the daughter, because the daughter (and wife and minor-sons) were basically property.

Now it's morphed into a show of respect, but it doesn't seem that genuinely respectful or necessary to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Literature (Post 9324215)

Is that because of how you feel about it, or how your in-laws feel about it?

A little bit of both. At the time, we both liked our parents, but I didn't really see it being any of his business if his daughter wanted to get married or not (I was fresh out of graduate school and full of feminist ideas about such things). I also made the decision somewhat quickly and never saw him in person prior to the time when I wanted to pop the question to my wife.

Much of the regret is because her brothers and mother have since given me shit for not asking his permission, specifically her mother. Since he's now dead, I have some regret that I didn't just ask him, especially because he and I were very close and got even closer after I married his daughter. It just would have been a "nice" thing to have done, I guess.

Quote:

Originally Posted by okoye35chiefs (Post 9324218)

if you have a daughter do you expect your future son in law to ask you?

I don't have a daughter right now, so my answer is a bit premature, but no, I wouldn't. I would expect my daughter to have the right goals and values in her life to make her own decision that would align with her happiness. And that's what I would be concerned about.

Seems like an outdated formality to me... like others have said, it's not the father's call, and what happens if he says no or if they aren't on good terms? I guess if everyone was on good terms and I knew the father fairly well, I might tell her parents and hope they're okay with it, but I don't see how it's disrespectful if someone doesn't ask first. Seeking their blessing at least seems reasonable... asking permission just sounds silly.

"I'm seeking your blessing for the marriage. I'm also seeking $10,000. Weddings aren't free, newdad." That's the order of the course.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Literature (Post 9324242)

You have a long time to have your mind change. Growing up and having kids will do that to you. Never say never.

"Generally it is a nice gesture, assuming your sweetheart is close with her parents and that they are relatively traditional. If they are non-traditional, or you are worried they (or she) might see it as a sexist gesture, simply be careful about the way you phrase it. Rather than asking for their permission, ask for their blessing. Situations where you shouldn't ask include if she is estranged from her parents, if she is an older bride, or if you think her parents will spoil the surprise of your proposal. "

I think we should just club them over the head drag them back to our places and they should be ours again like in the old days...

I did because it's the respectable thing to do, and the last thing you want when you are going to spend the rest of your life with a woman, is for her father to think you don't respect him. I expect the same when my daughter is proposed to .