Of course it's the woman's choice. You're not being progressive, just kind of douchy. If it's really the woman's choice to you, then why are you going to ask? If she wants to get married, she can bloody well ask you.

The truth is, you are sticking with SOME tradition - as in, you're the one asking. You get a ring, too? You think a woman is a raccoon and needs a shiny object to keep her distracted while you circle the tree?

If you don't want to ask the parents, fine. But I would sincerely suggest you get off your high horse and at least talk with them about it first.

Just a way to say, "look, I wanted you to know that I have thought about this, and I am not going into this impulsively or without a plan. I hope you will be happy about it."

You're not giving them a say, but you are showing respect. Just remember, you're going to have to see these people for a long time. You will see them infinitely more than your own family, in my experience.

When I got married, I thought the notion of asking for the blessing of a girl's parents was some antiquated relic of the past and had no idea that people still did it in the modern world. Needless to say, the thought of seeking that blessing never really crossed my mind. As far as I know, her family didn't expect it.

So whats the hidden metaphor in here? :hmmm:

My Father in law was a cowardly bully at the time. He pushed around 2 daughters a son with brain damage and a timid woman. My age was 21 when I told him what was happening and hoped he didn't mind too much. Not a pleasant experience but he wasn't wanting to push me very hard to my face. He's matured since then and we now get along fairly well. That was over 37 years ago and I've still proudly got the daughter. In case you can't tell I thought then and now that she was a keeper

Nope. Her father lives in Oregon and we had only met one time before I asked my wife. He was cool with me anyways.....so he didn't care.

Wife doesn't talk to her deadbeat dad, so I didn't see the need to ask that asshat permission for anything.

my inlaws are off the boat Italians from the old country! I wasn't going to chance it.

Asked her dad and swear to God he said "if you ever hurt her I have Cement shoes in the basement, and guess what they are one size fits all." in his italian accent.

True story!

Of course I did.

You're a fcking pussy if you don't man up and show her father respect by asking for his blessing.

i think today you can just send a facebook message to the parents...

I didn't do it, due to the logistics of it all and the place I was at in my personal life and beliefs at the time. Looking back, it's one of the major regrets of my life.

Ok, so I'm reading a lot about showing the father respect.

But what about if the father has since passed? Would you feel the same as for the mother?

Since I had to explain that I knocked her up, I think the marriage thing was a foregone conclusion. I never asked. You'd have to know my FIL...it would not and did not matter.

Having said that, I've explained to my son that he needs to do that, and I've explained to my daughter that I'd appreciate it some day if someone were to want to marry her to get our blessing.

Live and learn. I probably should have, but given the circumstances...well...shit, I was 19. Whattayagonnado?

Ask the mother or oldest brother.

It is a sign of respect to her family.

My father inlaw predicted it long before I ask her.

Yeah but I couldn't do it in person so I sent a quick text message instead. Gotta show respect.