Finer'n frog's hair.

Finer'n a frog's hair split two ways.

If the good Lord's willing and the creek don't rise.

**** the Raiders.

We "went to Hiawatha" for anything we needed. They had a discount store and a few restaurants. If we were making a whole day of it we "went to Topeka."

humph (my grandfather used it ) caught my self using it
and it works

monkey ****ing a football, my dad's

Dad, when I didn't triangulate properly and found myself standing between him and the TV: "You make a better door than a window."

put your left hand on your right ear
and your right hand on your left ear

now pull your head outta your ass
my dad

"I'm going to stomp a mudhole in you."

LMAO

I say that to my boys. Quickly followed by, "Get the hell out of the way!"

My dad used to say that too. I always asked him if he could open me. He never came back.

TIL "triangulate improperly" means "Got between Dad and the TV"

This has been brought up before, but my dad always used the phrase "fall ass over tea kettle into ________"

Another one that I stole from him: "That's built sturdier than a brick shit house"

GF got between me and the tv during last weeks Chiefs game and when I yelled "WTF are you doing?" she paused and said "helping you miss the Casselception." She's so awesome.

I spent a lot of years thinking that my dad invented all of these sayings.

I'd been afraid to say that to my dad. He would have opened me alright. It would have taken some stitches at the ol er to get closed.