Farting on a Plane
 

Just surreptitiously ripped one on a Southwest flight heading to KC.

Is there no better place to slide out a stealthy air turd than amidst the noise and anonymity of an airliner at 30,000 feet?

1) Nobody can hear it.
2) There are 20 people in your immediate vicinity on whom you can blame said air biscuit.
3) The seat cushion acts like a sifting filter -- you don't need to lift a cheek, it just slowly disperses out through the foam like an ass Britta filter.
4) You can open the overhead air flow in advance to blow that floater quickly throughout the cabin.
5) If you're close to the back of the plane and someone does smell it, you can roll your eyes and point towards the lavatory, to imply that someone dropped a wicked deuce in there.

You know you've done it...

I admit it, I have ripped off some airy goodness at 30,000 feet.

agreed

I did it on take off! You should have seen how fast that damn bird got up in the air!

My best guess is that EVERYONE farts at least once on an airline. Have you ever smelled the air up there or see how people look when they get off a plane?

It's a methane mess

I have had it with these M@therF@ckin farts on this Monday to Friday train!

Not true. I sat on a flight to Korea next to a Korean man farting out kim chi farts for TEN HOURS. Trust me, you can smell it, and you know exactly where it came from. I didn't know you could even fart for ten hours straight.

Chances are good the person next to you knew exactly where it came from.

I used to fly on Beechcraft 1900's a lot, and those have the vents under the window next to you. So I'd put the vent on blast and crop dust the shit out of the person across the aisle from me. :)

Hey, quit stealing the (brown) thunder from my awesome poop thread!

On a flight back from Vegas, my buddy Jeff and I were talking and then WHAM! Someone in the row or two in front of us must have had a 12 egg omelet with all the trimmings for breakfast. Jeff looked at me and asked if I killed that, and I said hell no. In a few seconds, the ladies across the aisle got out their perfume and sprayed it over their heads and started waving the in-flight magazines around. Jeff was chuckling so one glared at him and he said, "If I had done one that good, I'd have claimed it!" She just stared at him for a moment, blinking, and kept fanning with the magazine. Thankfully, the perfume wafted over to my side of the plane because my eyes were watering. Luckily, it never happened on the flight again after that.

I like to eat a handful of gummy fiber pellets prior to take off

Keeps em steaming

Technically if it was "surreptitious" you didn't actually "rip" anything. You queefed like a 94-year old hooker thirty seconds after a three man/six viagra train in the shuffleboard lounge at the retirement home.

Usually if I have to fart, I'll let the first one out to see if it smells. If nothing, I'll keep ripping them. If it smells horribly, I'll try to hold the rest in for the flight.

You seem nice.

I don't even know how to silent fart which is what I'm assuming happened. If I did that on the plane, it would cause turbulence.