I Have A Box Of Cheerios
 

... clearly stating that if I eat two bowls every day, my cholesterol will be reduced by an average of 4 percent in 6 weeks.

The thing is, I don't have high cholesterol. So, if I eat these Cheerios, will my cholesterol get too low? Can a person live with super low, almost non-existent cholesterol? Does miniscule, infinitesimal, nonextant cholesterol kill you?

I guess what I'm asking is, are Cheerios deadly?

FAX

Disclaimers: Sorry if repost.

mmmm.. strawberries

I would say no.. as there is bad and good cholesterol but i think cheerios reduce the Bad cholesterol.

So reducing bad things IS good

im not a Doctor i just play one on the radio

Well, that's good news. But they look sort of deadly, Mr. SLAG.

Like hundreds of little eyes staring at me with a blank, milky-white gaze from the bowl. I'm not sure I trust Cheerios.

FAX

Keep dumping sugar on them until you can scrape it off the bottom of your cereal bowl is what I always say.

They're spelling "Oooooo" now.

I think that's a warning.

FAX

nappy shaped o's?

i'll tell you what's creepy, is that the o's are cheeri...what's up with that?

Ever notice how, when Cheerios float in a bowl, they tend to form a chain very similar to the ones Satan uses when he lashes you to a stake in hell so the everlasting, eternal fires can incinerate the cursed, blackened flesh from your bones as you scream uselessly at the abysmal hideousness that used to be your body fall in grotesque lumps like a smoldering, noxious horror at your feet?

Anybody ever notice that?

FAX

cereal killer..

I once assisted my siblings in a diabolical scheme of throwing cheerios in the neighbor's swimming pool. We sat in a sawed-off tree in our backyard and executed it flawlessly. Until the cheerios clogged their filter. Then we got in trouble. Fortunately my oldest sister took the brunt of the blame.

Something else I noticed. When you swirl your spoon around the bowl real fast, Cheerios seem to form a sort of vortex or whirlpool of tiny, unnameable, decapitated heads mocking you in abhorrent and repugnant silence as if they are the final, objective embodiment of your mortal sins come to visit at last with loathsome, sinister and vile intent.

FAX

I think I should have gotten Lucky Charms.

FAX

I haven't eaten a bowl of cereal for at least 25 years. Milk grosses me out.

How do you break your fast?

Another thing that's kind of interesting is that when you hold the bowl real close to your ear, you can hear a distant, faint crackling like the sound of brittle bones breaking as if some formless, accursed, and hellish demon were devouring the bodies of small children in an orgy of fearsome lust while their innocent blood runs in streams of sticky gore from his relentless, esurient, and greedy maw.

FAX