WTF ... The dreaded Sneeze/Shart
 

Holiday inevitably leads to catching a cold from being around all the extra people.

I've been coming down with the sniffles and sneezing a lot.

I'm sitting on the side of my bed and feel the sneeze coming. At this point, sneezing feels good so i let it come.

ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo .... let a huge sneeze fly


I immediately know that something is wrong and clamp the butt cheeks closed.

Dam ... that sneeze/fart sounded and felt way too wet.

Waddle to the toilet and let it go ... nothing but brown water. Not diarrhea ... literally brown water.

Then i look down and see this wet spot on my underwear. ****!!

Then i see the same on my sweat pants. Holy ****!!

I take them off and go back to bedroom to get new clothing and another dam spot on the bed sheets.

What the ****ing hell ... i'm blowing a water spout out of my ass.

:cuss:


am i dying?

I haven't laughed that hard at something on CP in long time. Thank you.

Pics or it didn't happen?!

Wait......nevermind.

Hahahahahahaha....

ah, that is holiday cheer :D


or it could be nerves or you are geting old.

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ROFLROFL

You need "Depends"

LMAO LMAO

You are not dying. Just another affliction that comes with being a Chiefs fan. Good luck.

You have the Cassel virus. It is going around this time of year.

I've never seen so many people this sick all at one time. Everyone in my family is sick....many of my friends status' on Facebook are saying they're sick, everyone at my work is sick, I'm ****in sicker than hell right now. The cold medicine I'm taking right now is making me constipated as hell. Spent nearly 1 hour on the shitter and after grunting and straining only a little shit pellet projectiled out like it was shot out of a AR-15 rifle, splashed some of the piss-filled toilet water up on my ball bag.

:LOL:


I haven't seen that movie.

Thank God you weren't sleeping in the buff or your sheets would have been a Rorschach test and your wife would not have been to happy to clean up that crime scene!

You're not dying, but if you ever have a hic-burp, you will feel like your abdomen is going to split wide open.

But does it burn when you pee or shart?

ROFL rep!

The ol unintended poop LMAO

When it happens to me, its usually because i'm trying to fart and get more than i expected, this is usually after a night of drinking.

Butt plug.

Laz peed out his butt...Laz peed out his butt...

Check your self into a nursing home.

Just did this very thing about 2 1/2 weeks ago after a hard night drinking. And i was 40 miles from home. **** my life.

ROFL ROFL

I laughed so hard I had a coughing fit from this damn cold.

Hershey Squirts are always followed by Tangy Asshole.

I don't know but you're killin me!!!
ROFL LMAO

Sharts
 

As Jack Nicholson's character said in "The Bucket List," there are rules for older men:

1. Never pass a restroom without using it.
2. Never waste an erection.
3. Never trust a fart.

Words to live by.

In my house this event is called a 'snart'

LMAO Oh, ****. I laughed my ass off at this. No worries. Twice a year you're allowed to "Brett".

You ever seen what one of those can do to a wall with 200 psi of snot rocket propelling it? It's not pretty I tell ya

No shit....


ROFL

I love fart/shart/snart stories. I giggle like a little girl when I read them.

Dabbing... At some point, we all suffer through it!

You experienced what my friends and I in high school called a "hot fart."

bad O-ring gasket.

It took me about 30 minutes to stop laughing so hard while reading this.....I think I pulled a muscle laughing so hard.

My wife heard me and asked what I was doing....I said I was reading a hilarious post on ChiefsPlanet. She said..."oh that place again".

When I read this thread all I could think of was this:

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Sucks, doesn't it.

I cringe every time I sneeze or cough regardless of whether I'm under the weather. I have 50-60 pair of underwear & have sharted/pissed in every pair.

LOL!

Well said...

Is this a dude?

It's the realization that Reid is trading down to take a lineman and will take a QB with the 33rd or 66th pick and thinks he can coach up Cassel as our backupLMAO

So you think he's going to shart the pick?

So has nobody else ever shit their pants straight up? No sneeze, no little shart juice...but a real pants shitting? I shit mine...

Yes, I believe he will trade down more than likely if he can because as he said, "we have been blessed with the first pick and you MUST DO THE RIGHT THING with the first pick. And I think he will eventually come to the point where he will see the 'right thing to do with the first pick' is to trade down and accumulate a pick or two and may even trade down twice if he stays with Albert at OT. But with Albert's back problems he probably will take Joekel and then take the best QB available in his eyes with the 33rd.

"MUST DO THE RIGHT THING" could also mean picking the best QB of the draft with the first pick. That would be the right thing to do.


Take Geno Smith would be the right thing to do.

Maybe. We just don't know until after Andy's digging is done:shrug:

Dollars to donuts he trades down though and it makes it much easier since the rookie cap number is in place and there are many starved QB teams like the Chiefs and IF he is not sold on Geno he knows there will be those teams that will jump up on Geno and hopefully offer somewhat of a King's ransom in picks and we still end up with Bray or Wilson.

Welp, since we've hijacked this thread, who will want Geno so badly as to give us an RGIII type ransom?

So let me get this straight.

Andy isn't sold on Geno....but other teams are. So they'll trade up into our pick to take him. If the entire league is sold on Geno at #1 and you aren't....you're either an idiot or the smartest man alive.

Andy Reid likes the Chocolate penile QBs, nothing to worry about. He will draft Geno

If you really need an expert on this phenomenon, Matt Cassel is your man.