Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?
 

I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.

heh, not married yet...definitely confront her.

Simple solution aka Antifreeze.

You confront her if she steps out of line tomorrow.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8...fhi2o1_500.gif

Well, does she put on a nice front to your family, or does she kind of just ignore them and nod a lot when they talk to her? Is your relationship going well between the two of you?

What's the alternative? Sit back, say nothing, and watch her be completely false with your family?

This is some flaweless technique here. Dwight Freeney spin move esque.

http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/upl...gow4o1_400.gif

I would confront my fiancée for sure.

I assume the typical CP responses to slip it in her ass hole during sex tonight.

- Yes, the relationship is going very well and yes, she puts on a great front. No coldness or awkwardness at all. Which is why this is so shocking to me.

- Yes, the alternative is basically sit back and do nothing. Which seems wrong to me.

Yeah you definitely have to confront her, This could definitely pull you two apart at a later date down the road.....Privacy in marriage is overrated.

If you confront her, just realize the relationship might never be the same. She will pull the trust card on you for checking her texts. If you can outweigh the pros over the cons between you two, I would just move on from it.

Sounds like you both have some issues that need addressing.

However, it's certainly easier to address them with a fiance who'll just go away than a wife who'll go away with half your shit.

Yep, that's my issue. In this case, my argument would be that a response from her mom came when I was in the room alone with her phone (which is true), but of course I was the one who picked up the phone and made the choice to read the rest.

My wife never liked my family, she always talks crap on them to everybody. but hey, so do I. the thing with her is though, she never acted to them like she like them. she always just showed up in kind of ignore them, obvious fake smiles and all that.

if your fiance is really putting on a front like that, that's the ultimate disrespect, attacker prepare to fight. relationships suck.

I don't think you can just pretend you never read that and act like all's well.

Doing that will put everything else she says/does in question.

Do approach it cautiously, even with an apology for looking at her texts but just letting her know how hurt you feel. If you come off accusatory in any way, she'll get defensive and focus on you reading her texts. If you share how hurt you are in an "I feel" kind of way, you'll probably fare much better.

Just don't make any references to Jovan Belcher during the conversation.

Repeat some of the comments made in the text during the family get together. That could be fun.

oooooo,, this!!!

I am very poor in relationships. what I would do is not say anything and sit on it. and then I would probably bring up in the next fight at a very inappropriate time.

You seem blindsided by this, so she's obviously very good at putting up a false front. Which means she's a skilled liar. If she's lying about this, what else is she lying about?

One word of advice, though. Confront her AFTER Christmas. Don't **** up the holiday for your family. Take the high road for another couple of days.

Heh. "Remember that one Christmas when Jim Jones had that one girl he was engaged to, and started rambling off all those nasty texts he saw verbatim? What was her name again?"

Confront her in private. It needs to be done.

What she's said about your family>Her knowing that you read her texts

Yup, that would scare the shit outta me.

I'll second this, especially the 'what else is she saying that you have no idea about' part.

Your fiancee' has trust issues if she can't talk to you about stuff like this. Might be a blessing that you found all of this out before you married her, maybe.

dick move putting that in his head

Good shit guys. Appreciate the thoughts. I've decided I'm definitely going to confront her, but wait until after Christmas. I like the stuff about not being accusatory. My natural inclination would be to become totally accusatory and start bitching her out, but that wouldn't end well.

ChiefsPlanet should have an Ann Landers section.

I mean, how much do you really like her?

Yeah, like it wasn't there already, idiot.

let's say she goes this Christmas thing and says something that you know is complete BS because you read those messages... I would have a hard time not starting shit right there.

When they are all together say stuff like, Mom you are the best cook in the world, then look at them and say "Don't you agree?" and just watch their faces.

Jesus it was a joke

We're all men here. We know what the **** is going on.

Fair enough. Although you might want to try adding a smiley or something next time.

:)

She needs to run as far from you as she can get, as fast as she can get there. You're never going to be worth the maintenance no matter how much dick or wallet you think you're slinging.

Hell, yes. Confront her. Give her a fighting chance to save herself before it's too late.

Does she let you slam it in her ass?

Yeah, you should definitely confront her.

Because she was talking to her family in a private setting that you invaded/violated. (I'm sure that you have spoken to your family members about her family members and it's been all wine and roses...)

That will make her really happy. Knowing that she is going to have to look over her shoulder for the rest of her life as she now knows that she can't trust you to give her her space in life for the little "blow off steam" moments.

If she was texting people about sucking some guys dick or taking it in the ass on some internet organized gangbang then you might have a case.

However, you've basically ****ed yourself for the rest of your now short lived relationship because you are a snoopy **** who won't get the shit out of your head that she bagged on your family a little bit in private to her family like everyone does.

Good luck with this, but you are basically ****ed.

Oh and worthless without pics

You have the right idea, i'd just spank that ass.

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t...s/spanking.gif

Break up, now! It only gets worse later. She's two-faced.

Smilie etiquette. I need to get that figured out.;)

Is she a Gemini?

Put it in her sisters butt before it's too late.

You should take her over to the house, then drop her off and claim you have to run to the store to get ice. Then go to the bar and get toasted then show back up to pick her up the next day.

If she is not having an affair then you do not confront her those are her private messages. Maybe your family just sucks.

I would confront her. That said, don't. Not yet anyway. Wait until after the holidays. No need to make it awkward for the both of you now. You'll just be ridiculously critical of everything she does all Xmas.

She wrecked his Christmas already but he has to hold it all down. That's tough man.

I actually was recently with this girl who was acting pretty kind to NY family. Told me I was rude to my aunt and called my mom ma'am. I dumped her ass quick. **** my family.

Tebow does NOT Rule.

No matter what you do, this is how this will turn out.

http://www.pohrani.com/f/38/za/4pIBi...3641026654.gif

I know that is why it is backwards, because he sucks.

I doubt that's the case considering your Denver nut-huggery in other threads, you stanky hoe.

hahahaha Thats awesome

Do two things:
1. Say nothing.
2. Stop reading her text messages.

I'm not going to be condescending about you having done that. I've done both and I can tell you that confronting her will not end well. I also think it's ultimately unnecessary to continuing an otherwise happy relationship. We'd ALL be mortified by our partners' most private thoughts. Which is precisely why we shouldn't have access to them. So long as she's kind to your family, does it matter that she isn't fond of your mom's cooking? I mean, most people put on airs to go along with less than pleasant interactions with family.

She'll never get past you invading her privacy in the first place. You'll be angry that she won't set her feelings aside to address yours. The two of you will talk AT each other and your relationship may pay the ultimate price.

LET. IT. GO.

All my gifs after 5pm are funny.:)

Lots of good advise in this thread

But if it were me/ I think this is probably the way to go.

You do come up with some funnier than shit stuff. The ramp on the van had to fricking hurt

In my opinion, you're not ready for a serious relationship. Until you can get to the point where you don't have to snoop on someone, you're damaged goods and any relationship you have is going to end badly. Everybody deserves a little privacy and space and you owe it to someone you're with to respect that. Maybe you need some counseling to get over your trust issues.

As far as the foul, this is pretty small. She's likely just be venting. Yeah, her time at your family's house isn't the most favorite time for her, but she is putting on a good face for you so you can enjoy yourself while you are there. You need to give her the space to vent. Sure it is a pretense, but everyone puts them on, because no one gets to do exactly what they want every minute of their life. Eventually the pretenses put on during courtship fall to the wayside and she would let you in on the secret that your family wears on her a bit and you'll have to make some allowances for that. Or maybe she would come around to like them better down the road. It's called marriage and there are going to be some bumps in the road. This one is pretty minor.

As someone who has never tried that, it looks ****ing painful. ROFL

No woman on earth can put up with me for more than a month or 2 at the most.
& I'm dam proud of that

This. Maybe you can pick up a tell in the process.

LMAO

-"Can you pass the potatoes?"

-"What in the **** is that supposed to mean!?"

Huh? You don't make nice with people you don't like because it's easier or as a favour to someone else?

Wait until after Christmas then break it off. Immediately thereafter, find a psychiatrist because snooping into your fiance's private communications is not healthy. Neither is it normal. If you don't completely and entirely trust the person with whom you are planning to spend the rest of your freaking entire life, you are with the wrong person and your "trust issues" need some work, man.

FAX

I disagree. Not only is it healthy to check this stuff its a good way to keep people honest. If the other gets upset its because they were doing something wrong. Good luck OP, I would never get married to woman on this planet because they're all liars, but that's because I ain't met one that didn't. :)

I can't imagine what it would be like to be married (assumably in love and sharing your life) with someone I couldn't completely trust. It would make me very uncomfortable. Spending your days in some degree of paranoia would drive me crazy.

But, if that's how you want to live your life, who am I to say otherwise? Good luck.

FAX

Oh ... one more thing.

You're wrong about all women being liars. That is simply untrue.

FAX

I've yet to meet one that isn't Mr. FAX.

Wow. Are you talking about serious lying like say ... "No, I didn't screw your brother."? ... or are you talking about stuff like, "No, I didn't put salt in the soup."?

What exactly are we talking about here?

You guys are freaking me out a little.

FAX

Unfortunately in my experience its closer to brother ****er than soup ****er-upper.

Wow.

I don't know what to say ... and that is pretty unusual for me ... so I'll say this.

I can't fathom a good reason to maintain a relationship with someone who is not truthful. I can see why some guys might marry some deceitful hag, of course ... they want companionship of any sort, someone to make their sammiches, and it may make getting laid a little more convenient sometimes (all completely stupid reasons to get married, by the way).

But, to be perfectly frank, there have been times when I would have preferred the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX had lied to me. Since I've known her, she never has and I would have found out by now, for certain. And, if she ever did, as much as it would hurt, that would be the last conversation we ever shared and the last she saw of me would be through my car exhaust. First off, it would break our solemn and mutual promise to each other and secondly, I couldn't live with somebody who thought it was acceptable to lie to me about ... well ... about anything, really. I mean, what's the point?

How could you stand to be around that person? Let alone hold affection for them?

I feel for you guys if that's what you have come to believe ... that all women lie and none can be completely open and honest. Whether it's true or not in your experience, that has to be a damn difficult way to co-exist with a person.

FAX

I hope that idiot burned it off. That dumbass should not be allowed to reproduce

Oh, hell yes! Do this now. Don't ****ing wait until you're married. Will she be pissed? Of course. And when she throws that shit in your face, make sure you let her know that you'll be happy to address her concerns right after she addresses yours. I would also drop her off at her parents house, and go over to yours on your own. What I wouldn't do is tell your family about it if you still plan on marrying her.

No, I wouldn't just eat that. I love my family, and they are awesome to my wife. Always have been. If I'd heard some shit like that before we got married, I'm not sure we'd be married now. You're not in the wrong, dude.

You could let your family in on what she had said in the txt messages. Have them be exra nice & anoying while she is there. You will likely see a lot of facial expressions from her to be entertained with. On the way home she will most likely break it off with you and your are free & clear.

If you wed and have children she would turn them against your family. That would not be good. It would be a source of great frustration to everyone. She needs to grow up and stop the petty behavior.

This is actually an even better post from Frazod, but he is nailing it here. She's a great liar. Yuuuuuuuuuck.

Yup that's why I would use this bit of info he's discovered to try and get a read on a tell she might have. This way you can identify if she is lying about anything else.

Yeah, I'd just dump her. Red flags are up. But hey, different strokes, for different folks.

My wife and I have an open relationship. :eek: Not like that, freaks. We don't delete emails, or texts and have each others passwords to everything. I don't know if my wife checks my shit, and she doesn't know if I check hers. Because we have nothing to hide from each other.

How did that come about you ask? We've asked each other to pull something up for us at one time or another, and given each other our passwords. We have nothing to hide. And frankly, I thought that was perfectly normal. You guys are making me think it may not be. I don't care. We've been together for 10 years, without kids, so nothing is "keeping" us together. We love each other. That said, it didn't start until a couple of years into our marriage, so we'd been together for 4-5 years. I'm sure that's part of it.

As Mr. Fax said, there are times it would be much easier if we could just lie to one another, but our relationship doesn't work that way. It's called life. It's a roller coaster. Hold on tight.

Oh I definitely have a girl that I can completely trust, but she is very talented at lying. But, who am I kidding? I am very good at it too. I don't have anything to hide and neither does she. Like you, we have passwords to each other's things and that stuff.

But in reference as to why I wouldn't dump her, I guess, since I am profound liar I have a morbid curiosity when I am being lied to, I enjoy seeing how far the rabbit hole goes. Plus it could all just turn out that this is the only thing she is lying about and it could be worked out.