Late night bullshit: summarize a novel of your choice in one sentence.
 

The Great Gatsby: Everybody sucks because we are simultaneously driven by craven, primordial desires while trying to mask that that's all we're doing, which is all easier to do when you're rich.

The Dig: Astronauts investigating a rogue asteroid in Earth orbit get warped to a mysterious planet, which they investigate, leading to strange discoveries of ancient technology, lost alien races and dire consequences.

Jaws: A huge shark ****s shit up and eventually dies after eating a lot of people.

The Sun Also Rises:

People will always desire what they cannot have.

A Song of Ice and Fire (aka, HBO's A Game of Thrones): Tits with a chance of dragons.

The Andromeda strain. We're all ****ed until the game changes.

Any David Sedaris memoir: Heterosexual Americans are so stupid and I am so goddamn clever.

Old Man and the Sea: Damn Fish!

The Fountianhead:
http://ih2.redbubble.net/work.57688....e-me-me-v3.jpg

The Heart of Darkness: People are bad mmmmkay?

50 Shades of Grey: Women get ****ed

Catch 22: ****; we're ****ed.

Life of Pi: Holy shit, a tiger.

WOOL: After a nuclear & biological disaster, mankind finds itself struggling to survive underground and come to terms with what they've done.

http://www.amazon.com/Wool-Omnibus-E...dp_kinw_strp_1

Jobs: Steve was a modern day Da Vinci & ****ing insane.

Lord of the Flies: Boys hump a wild sow, then eat it, then play war games and this is a microcosm of the world.

Lord of the Flies: It does not matter how old men are, when you isolate them from women for any amount of time, they **** pigs and kill each other.

My novel: I'll write this someday, perhaps.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: Drugs are bad mmmkay?

the firm lawyer finds out other lawyers are more evil then him.

The Metamorphosis: You become what you are.

A Rumor of War: Vietnam sucked.

The History of Vietnam: The whole damn thing could have been avoided.

this is what you got out of The Great Gatsby? Good sir, you might be better off re-reading it rather than creating Pro-Pioli threads. Otherwise, here is a summary that is equally as appropo and equally lacking nuance: People like ****ing.

The Brothers Karamazov: Enlightenment, duality of mankind, and all reasons to loathe the human race as a whole rolled into 1 story.

Reading this right now. So basically, vonnegut, but longer and more russian?

Much deeper and more philosophy based.

Portnoy's Complaint: extreme sexual desire acted out awkwardly, or in other words, my youth.
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Things Fall Apart;
Things fall apart.

The Bonfire of the Vanities: Time and money cause life altering problems.

Ender's Game: They recruited me to play a video game and I kicked it's ass so hard that it eventually became my reality.

War and Peace: There is a war and everybody dies, so it's peaceful.

LMAO

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: With a towel you can do anything in the Universe - except save Earth.

Jane Eyre - nothing happens.

Little Women - nothing happens.

Any novel by bored self-absorbed noble British women - nothing happens.

The Jungle: Capitalism bad, Communism good.

Jane Eyre - nothing happens.

A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich - Soviet political prisoners suffer oppression and die.

The House of the Dead - Soviet political prisoners suffer oppression and die.

Any novel by anyone who ever spoke out against the Soviet power structure - political prisoners suffer oppression, starvation, torture and death.

I'll go with "Everybody dies."

Things Fall Apart:

Alpha male African cannot handle the change in values which arrive with European colonialism.

On the road: guy does drugs and drives around spouting beautiful prose.

Dune:
I got sand in my pants.

IT: Kids walk around in the sewers, get the **** scared out of them, then gang-bang a ten year old girl.

The Grapes of Wrath: It's dusty and there's no money, lets move to Cali and suck tittys.

Catcher in the Rye: Adults are corrupt (****) and young innocent people become adults (****) and there's nothing anyone can do about it (****).

Direckshun Down: After posting his 1,000,000th pointless thread, an internet douche is cast from a flaming AIDS tree into a vat of boiling antifreeze.

An unheralded classic.

Solyent Green. Eat at Joes and eat AT Joe.