Planet expertise needed for CL ad
 

So Bob Dole just bought what he feels is a lovely 16 acres of NE Texas real estate. Tons of deer and feral hog sign, situated pretty much in the middle of nothing. There is a neighbor on the tract to the south, but not close enough that it is going to be any sort of issue.

Where CP comes in: There is an uninhabitable mobile home on the property that needs to go the **** away. Bob Dole would call the Red Hill Volunteer Fire Department and ask them if they needed some practice, if not for the fact that the resulting fire would damage at least 3 pecan trees estimated to be 80 years old. The thing has been abandoned as best as Bob Dole can tell since 1994, so vandals and animals have taken their toll--and Bob Dole has zero interest in doing anything but making it disappear. Surely there is someone who would be interested in the scrap value of the frame and wiring in exchange for just making the damned thing go away.

Bob Dole is appealing to the awesome collective imagination of The Planet to compose a craigslist ad that will make this zero-sum (for Bob Dole) project a reality. Help a clueless old man write an attention grabbing ad that will result in its removal. (Or at least generate some funny email responses.)

DO NOT damage those pecan trees. They're valuable - if you like pecans.

"meth lab...free to anyone who will haul it away"

Make it mysterious. Like, the trailer has been boarded up and untouched for 20 years when the previous owner died. Sell it like they do those storage lockers on TV. They can't open the door until the trailer is off the property.

ROFL, but be sure to say there is no meth or materials in the RV, lest you want the DEA and addicts becoming acquaintances on your doorstep.

Free beer if you can find it. Burn baby burn.

Bob Dole will try to take some photos this weekend. It's a total loss. That might help with the appeal. hehe

Take a tractor or a backhoe and drag it to a safe place and burn it then call a a scrap metal guy to take the frame and what metal is left

Or destroy it with a backhoe and bury the wood and siding and have a scrap metal guy come get the frame with a torch

Didn't Bush once sleep in that trailer.

One of my favorite woods to smoke with.

Tell somebody it sat on the Grassy Knoll at one time

It'd be hard to know but if it's been abandoned that long it most likely won't be worth it for anyone with the means to move it to do so. Is the tongue on it? How bout' the axles? Tires? Are there trees grown up around it that would have to be cut down?(Not the Pecan trees.) Is there an AC? Any breakers in it?

Well, I think if you'd throw in a couple free hog/deer hunts, you may be able to make that thing disappear.

OR, you can turn it into a hunting cabin or a deer stand of sorts with gun rests, etc.

No one is gonna do that job for free + salvage.