ARGH! OK, I need opinions please...
 

My wife works for an orthodontist. As with many dental practices, it is mainly a female environment. In this case, between his 2 offices, the only 2 guys who work there are himself and the other orthodontist he employs.

Most of the women in this office are single and frankly, most of them are downright b*tches.

So the doctor (who is LDS) always like to treat his women to something big at the end of the year. Last year, it was take them all to Celine Dion and a REALLY expensive dinner and then give them each about $1000 that they had to spend on themselves at the Forum at Ceasars.

Sounds great...

This year, I find out that he wants to take all of them to New York for a week, all expenses and shows paid.

Wow, sounds like a nice guy...

Wait for it...

Spouses are not allowed.

This is not a selfish why cant I go thing with me. But my wife and I have 2 very youung boys, 1 & 3 years old. I work my ass off running my family business. She and I have wanted to go to New York together for quite a while. Also, lets keep in mind that she does not get along with most of the women in her office.

Not to mention that in my opinion, any big thing like that or employee party should always be spouses invited (since I am an employer myself).

So is it bad of me to be opposed to her going? Am I wrong in thinking, OK, my wife goes to New York without me, somewhere we have wanted to go together, and I have to work my ass off at work, spend a total of 2 hours per day for a week trekking my 2 boys all over town for babysitting, not to mention then having to be the sole provider for them every waking moment during that time while she is having a blast, Without her husband...

serious opinions needed....

I seriously could bunch the shit out of my walls right now.

My first thought is this - she should have enough respect for you and awareness of her responsibilities to turn it down on her own.

Seconded.

Thats my feeling (as you could tell) but I want some female perspective here as well.

My opinion is that it really isn't appropriate for him to take them to NY without the spouses. She shouldn't go.

Also, if it was me - I wouldn't take off for New York for a week without my wife (for work I've had to do it, but not for vacation). That would be shitty.

you can bunch shit out of walls?

i bet there'd be a great market for that...

if you were a fertilizer salesman...

I think the boss should allow the spouses to go, but at their own expense. Do you have any relatives or someone you trust to watch the kids for a week?

fwiw, i'd tell her to go...

then she can show you around when you go together...

a free trip to new york complete with broadway shows?

you should let her go if she wants to...

I think the boss should give her a cash equivalent for not going. That way, while she obviously has this week off, the whole family can go someplace nice.

That would NOT be New York at the end of year, IMO. Try someplace warm.

that sounds like a really reasonable solution...

is the orthodontist smart enough to do this?

Awkward. Very awkward.


Dentist - wants to treat employees and build a positive culture that is lacking right now. It's not possible when everyone just hangs out with their spouse.

You - Saddled with responsibility while your wife takes a free vacation to a place you'd like to go.

Your wife - Gets a nice trip, but with people she doesn't like and guilt for leaving you.


I'm going to go against the grain here. The dentist is doing this not just to be a nice guy, but to build camaraderie. He's not snubbing you, but just recognizes that a spousal presence will work against his goals. I'm going to go against the crowd and say that you've got an obligation to watch the ranch while your wife goes, and that she should go and have a good time and get to know her coworkers better. It's more of an off-site retreat than a vacation.

I can understand how you feel, but what about it really bothers you? you can't go, or she's going to NY without you, or the kids?

And why?

On a lighter note, use the time to bond with your boys, at least one of you will be in good company.

If she decides to give it up out of repsect for your feelings, you better go the xtra mile that week.

good luck

I understand how you feel, but I think you should let her go or let her make the decision not to go without any pressure from you. Don't look at it as a betrayal or an imposition on you (even though it is an imposition). Look at it as the opportunity to give her a great gift without having to pay cash for it. If she really doesn't enjoy the company of the other women in the office, maybe she'll decide not to go on her own. If she wants to go and you insist that she turn it down, your building up a lot of resentment for the sake of getting out of a few days worth of inconvenient babysitting.

I'm assuming that there is no concern over hanky panky with the doc here. It does seem like a weird "bonus" though. Maybe he thinks this kind of get-away-together time is good for teambuilding I guess.

OK, a little more background on it ...

This is not a comeroderie building trip... if it were the previous trips of similar types would have worked throughout the history of his office.

As for him, he isnt the one making the choice. He asked the women, most of which are single, if spouses should be allowed. They all automatically say No overruling the married women (all 3 of them).

What bothers me is that I personally would never do a week of something so stellar if the stipulation is that my wife has to stay home and take care of EVERYTHING when as a general rule, we split overall the home down the middle as far as taking care of our responsibilities as parents.

I think its wrong. Its bad enough that she has to go out of town for work for seminars that are a complete repeat time after time.

It would be another thing if the doctor actually had a spine about anything and it would be another thing if my wife would stand up and say something in her own defense instead of also being pushed around by her b*tch coworkers.