Got Tazerd Tonight
 

So I decided to go out to the bars with my girlfriend and some friends. Everything is going well when all of a sudden one of my girlfriends friends come out of nowhere crying and saying she wants to go home.

Apparently a cab wasn’t good enough for this little diva by her standards or more importantly my girl’s standards so I wind up driving her home.

No problem right. WRONG.

After driving her across town (still completely sober) I get back downtown, park the truck and start walking to the bar where my friends are at. All of a sudden behind me I hear “yo tough guy!”.

Apparently this guy is the reason she was crying. I still don’t know if he’s an ex-boyfriend or what the hell his relationship is with her.

I assume he’s not talking to me and keep walking. Next thing I know I get shoved from behind and turn around just in time to get a bottle broken over my head. I’m down on one knee and the self preservation instinct kicks in so I get back up, tackle the guy and start wrestling around.

I’m on top getting the better of the guy and all of a sudden ZAP!!! A cop who obviously didn’t know what was going on besides what he saw after I got up hit me with a tazer.

If you’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing a stun gun I don’t know how else to describe it besides filling a bathtub full of water and dropping in a toaster. Your whole body stiffens up, the pain is quick but sharp as a knife and you’re completely helpless for about 10 seconds.

The bouncers across the street eventually stepped in and explained what happened but I now have four stitches in my head, been stun gunned by a cop, my truck is still downtown and I told my girlfriend to fuck off and leave me alone because I was pissed off and bleeding because that little bitch couldn't take a cab.

That's not even including the hospital and legal bullshit.

My cell is off, the door is locked and I’m getting piss drunk all by myself. What a flucking night. I'm marrying a big fat ugly homely beast tommorow so I never have to go through this again.

I’m too freaking old for this shit.

did the other dicklick get tazored too? that freakin blows ass, sorry about your shitty night.

Man that sucks Otter, on the other hand it will make a great tale to tell at some future date while hanging with your buds.

All that and no sex? Your gf owes you.

I don't think so, we were both handcuffed when I woke up.

Sad part about is the only redeeming part of the story is that I didn't get KOed by the bottle. The rest is just me getting ass-raped by the whole situation.

I need to get married and settle down Jim. I'm freaking 32.

Whoa! You didn't mention this.

Now it is clear what happened. That was no cop.

You were tag-teamed by DenverChief and Anton. After rendering you unconscious, they drug you back to their ass-aultery lair and had their way with you. The handcuffs were a nice touch.

You can say that again!

Men say women "bank" things. You can bank this to use in the future. When she's naggin you about never going out, you can say, "Hey, remember what happened last time?"

Sorry about your night. It was good of you to drive the girl home. Some payment, huh?

If I had any brains like I did when I was in college I would have offered to walk that broad up to her place, pretended like I cared about what happened over a drink and bent her over the sink.

I'm losing my touch in old age.

Please don't make 32 sound so old.

See what happens when you doubt Trent Green? Chiefspride bottle-whipped you.

;)

Glad you're ok, Otter. Hope you and your gf work things out.

Look at the bright side. At least it wasn't a clown that tazered you!
Seriously..sorry about your night bro.
For the record I would tell the gf that if her and the snotbox don't double team you tomorrow night then it's over.

Damn that sucks, but don't make it worse by marrying a fat chick-nothing is worth that!! Halfcan

A definite donkey punch is in order for her regardless!

Hey, plus is she obviously knows her way around the kitchen and will be eager to please you. If the girl were hot, it would be the other way around.