Survivor Planet
 

*credit to bRainman whose thread was the catalyst.

So..its the offseason.

The Challenge of this thread, is to select a situation of dire consequence, and demonstrate for the board, sollutions to that survival situation. It doesn't matter if its your own aquired knowledge, something you find on the interenet or saw on TV and can explain.

We're looking for Shelter, food, water, tools, hunting devices, wound treatment...including personal entertainment...keeping the mind alert and stimulated is important too.

Pictures and Links are bonus points.

You have 1 parka, 1 pair of shoes suitable for your situation, 1 change of cloths....a 3 blade, folding Old Timer pocket knife.....OK...that doesn't matter, since you're chosing the situation and topic.

We join our Show in progress as our Hero hears a sound.....
[Klink] He Jim, what was that sound in the tail section?....[klink]

Realizing the plane had been carrying terrorists in the luggage section and they are now making their way to the passenger area, PastorMikH grabs his disposable camera from his carryon bag, quickly fashions a tazer, and stuns the terrorists into submission before they can take over and crash the plane.

:D

We all survived (though when the gravitationaly challenged lady saw each terrorist starting to come to, she would kick them in the personals to keep them subdued. The terrorist's future ability to reproduce may have been jeapordized as a result.)

That phag keeps walkin' round here naked......

Where's the beer?

Coconut butter makes a fine whacking lube.

But poor Brock, dies a painful death, as gangreen sets in from the blisters on his pickle that became infected, as he repeatedly self stimulated to the sandcastle Pam Anderson he constructed...because no one took the time that day on Chiefsplanet, to explain how a man, stranded on a desert island, could access the interior of a coconut, without the aid of a machette.

Quickly, as he feels his last moments arriving, he uses the puss from the infected pickle to document his final wishes on the side of a flat stone. It was in vain however, as the rain washed the rancid hieroglyphics away as quickly as they were scribed.

the rosetta stone he made, baffles searchers who find him, years later.

Getting in the coconut, sure, that's tough, but I was more interested in how to make coconut butter from a coconut.

We'll never know now.

It turns out....websites on this topic are abundant.

While trying to find a picture of a shelter....a very important aspect of survival...I found this website, with explanations and pictures for the slow readers.

http://www.wilderness-survival.net/shelters-2.php

I have made FIRE!
http://www.wilderness-survival.net/fire-5.php

When stranded at the side of the road for failure to put out, one must immediately take stock of their inventory.

Jeans can be ripped with your stiletos. Make sure you make the tears in places that will help your getting the **** home goal. Underneath the ass cheeks or on a warm enough night, just remove everything from the pockets down.

Shirts can be tied up and torn. If you run briskly for a few hundred yards you should build up a dewy shirt clinging sweat. Remove your bra for later. Use your panties as a headband. It's important you maintain whatever asthetic facial qualities you already possess.

Once you see a car coming, it's important you judge the occupant quickly. Anything you see under 50, jump up and down with your knees together waving your panties in the air. Anything over 50 or female won't stop for you anyways so chuck a rock at their car.

Once you've attracted the attention of a helpful stranger, ramble incoherently about abuse and assault. Talk about how unfair life is for your now ex-boyfriend to give you a rash (pun) of STDs only to ditch you at the side of the road. Mention the oozing and pus filled blisters.

When the driver turns his/her head to vomit out the window, garrote him/her with your bra. Make sure you do this when no other cars are around. Safety first, you know.

Park the vehicle and the corpse in the front lawn of the selfish bastard that ditched you and go **** all his friends.

Wait.

I forgot what I was talking about.

I was hanging on for dear life and I lost my hands;

Anyone know about surviving an avalanch?

Yes, Mr. Iowanian, it's very difficult to survive an avalanche.

That's all I really have on that.

FAX

I do now...

http://nsidc.org/snow/avalanche/index.html