what is your personal best
 

time
from knocking on the front door to knocking the headboard
first date extra points

3 hours, maybe? Dinner/movie... first date. She was a whore. Ended up cheating on me later with her orchestra conductor. She was also psycho.

I got a number from a waitress at Olive Garden once while I was in Florida. I called her when her shift was over, picked her up at her house to go hang out on the beach at about 1AM. by 2AM we weren't knocking headboards, but sand got in places it's pretty uncomfortable to be. She was a dirty ho come to find out, so not much of an accomplishment on my part.

A couple of months ago I had just gotten off work and I was messing around online because I wasn't ready to crash out yet. I get this chick I was chatting with on IM to get on the phone with me. After talking to her on the phone for about a half hour she sounds legit and her pictures that she sends me doesn't lead me to suspect she's lying about who she is or is just an escort. Turns out this lady is on her way over to her ex boyfriends house because he kicked her out and she's trying to get a bunch of stuff back from him. After her ex refuses to let her stay she asks if she can come over and stay with me for the night. I say sure and figure if she's fugly I can just not answer the door. So she gets to my apartment about 3am after I'm directing her how to get there from across town. I watch her get out of the car and I decided that while she's not smokin hot she's cute enough for 3am plus there were no signs of a set up. Anyways after several hours of taking the beef bus to tuna town (of course I used protection), we both crash out and she leaves about 11am and I never saw her again. It was pretty sleazy how it all went down but I'd been pretty preoccupied with school and work, so I hadn't gotten the opportunity to get laid in quite some time. Time 4.5 hours

probably about 3 hours. it was at a party i get there and its slim pickens. the hottest girl there (not very hot but in comparison to others she was ok and she wasnt under age). we get to talkin and before i know shes downing beers and doing shots. shes starts asking if i have weed or any other drugs. i say no but ask her if she wants to step outside. she does and no sooner do i sit down on the front porch does she have her tongue down my throat. so me being the gentlman i am i ask her if she wants to take this to the backseat of my friends 87 oldsmobile. we do our thing and i leave after she gives me her number. never called her and im sure she was devastated never hearing from me again.

Do hookers count?

Home from school one Xmas break...
My friend hooks us up with 2 chicks at one of the chicks house in Olathe. We get there around 10pm... Immediately I'm thinking... I'd love to phluck that. So we're shooting the shit and decide to watch Scarface. Lights off...

My friend and his girl he'd been talking & sitting on one couch and me and the chick I'm interested in on her other couch. At first we sat on the couch like at different ends. By the end of the movie we're both basically leaning our heads to the middle of the couch flirting, etc.

Movie over...
My friend is ready to leave with his friend as it's about 1pmish... He asks me am I ready to go. I tell him, "nope, I'm staying" (I haven't asked for her approval or anything). As soon as the door shuts she's polishing the knob before we go upstairs and sign the contract.
One of the best nights of my life.

Funny thing is... if she was a slut... she was a high priced slut. She lived in a REALLY NICE NEIGHBORHOOD.

Hookers! Now there's a temporary solution!

Another time (Not so proud of this one)... This was before adultfriendfinder charged and in my (once again) bored college days. This time I was home over the summer.

Hooked up with some chick after emailing & talking with her on the phone. It took about 30 minutes after meeting her in person before we signed the contract.

Another one... Met this chick in the club... Used to be called Tucan Sam's on 85th and Wornall. Got her # and spoke to her for about 1 hour before she was telling me what she wanted to do to me. I thought she was talking shit until I went over her house around 2am & she came to the door with a see-through robe on & no panties.

I was so shocked, I didn't know what to do. small talk small talk small talk... Then she straddles me and starts giving me a lap dance. 30 minutes within meeting her outside the club to sign that contract.

On the reverse side of that... We were in college my sophomore year and one of my friends had his own apartment and had some chicks over & one was for me. To make a long story short... I must've spent 5 hours straight trying to sign that contract. She wasn't budging because she said I wouldn't talk to her the next day if we did.

I finally gave up (after 5 hours). I got to my dorm room and my balls hurt so bad they mad my stomach hurt. Before that, I only heard about the blue balls feeling. I went straight to the shower to relieve myself while taking a shower. Best damn feeling EVA.

Next night we were to go over there. She was upset I didn't come over because she wanted to give me some the next night. By that point, I was so pissed about the night before I wouldn't have touched her cooter with GoChiefs rod.

You gotta use myspace man, it's so easy and alot of the time they talk to you first. I think it's the most efficient way to pick up whores. That way no chicks I know or guys I know will know these girls originally, and that means less drama, which is a very good thing. I can't tell you how many fights I've had in high school and some in college regarding stupid issues with girls. Not only is it efficient, but if u meet them and don't ever want to talk to them again, you don't have to. It's easy to screen too, you can pretty much figure out from their profile if they are crazy or gold diggers, etc. Chicks on myspace are so crazy horny it's not even fair, and when you both don't have any social connection to common family or friends chicks will screw you alot more because nobody will know about it.

But to answer the question, the fastest after I've met a girl to me sleeping with them wasn't from finding them online. It was during spring break last year. It was at the end of the night, club was closing down, and I was annihilated. As me and my buddies stumbled out, I asked a chick what she thought about casual sex. She kinda laughed at first, and we talked for maybe 3-4 minutes. You know, typical drunk talk. Then she's like so where do you want to go? And well, the beach was only about 2 blocks away so that was where the magic occured. I'm sure there was literally sand in her giner when we were done.

Time from first word spoken to each other until the genital fricton ocurred......about 12 minutes.

Oh... forgot PERSONAL BEST.

My dad used to throw some hella parties over the summer (I'm talking 200-300 people attending) in his backyard. Anyhow, my distant relative cousin brings over a friend that's already shit faced. Introduced as soon as they come to party. We go to fix plates and sit down in T.V. room. She asks where's the bathroom to wash the bbq sauce off her hands.

I took her and as soon as she finished washing her hands I was on her & we went into the next room and signed the contract.

She was pissed because I was 2-minute man. I just wanted to quickly get out of the room we were in (my-dad's). That must've been about 15 minutes introduction to signing the contract.

Happily married now. Now it's more of a question of what's the shortest amount of times between sessions?

Someone will put your suggestion to use though I'm sure.

And this one time, at band camp...

I have a good one but I save it for people who show up to events.

Ask me about Denise...

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