Hahahaha
 

11:03 -- Had to mention this: Three days ago, the Royals pulled off an emotional Opening Day win, replete with standing O's for Alex Gordon, Gil Meche and the final out, then there was an off day and everyone in KC spent the next 36 hours talking about how excited they were about the 2007 Royals. Now they're headed for their second loss in 18 hours and we're a week away from Joe Posnanski's first "Why us? Why? Why?????" column, which is up there with the Masters, the NBA playoffs, Tax Day and tree pollen as the five absolute certainties every April. But hey, for 36 hours ... they had something special going on there. Let there be no doubt.

11:10 -- Our first look at Kansas City starter: Zack Greinke, whose career nearly got derailed by an anxiety disorder last season. That's really the difference between the Sox and Royals in a nutshell: When the Sox need a No. 3 starter, they can just say "screw it" and spend $103 million on the best Japanese pitcher alive. When the Royals need a No. 3 starter, they roll the dice with a guy battling an anxiety disorder. These are the things that happen when a professional sports league decides against a salary cap.

11:17 -- Manny bangs home a two-out RBI double off the right-field wall ... with help from converted third baseman Mark Teahen, who handled that play like a token female in a friendly office softball game. 1-0, Red Sox.

11:22 -- One thing about Dice as we watch him warm up and strut around the mound: the dude definitely has charisma. There's no question. The way he carries himself, the big smile, the deliberate windup, even the way he stands on the mound waiting for the signal ... just a confident dude. Anyway, here's KC's lineup today: David DeJesus, Esteban German (a Bill Simmons approved fantasy sleeper!), Mark Teahen, Emil Brown, Alex Gordon, Ryan Shealy, Ross Gload, John Buck, Tony Pena Jr. You get what you pay for.

11:25 -- DeJesus lines an opening single to center (so long, no-hitter!), followed by German forcing him out at second. By the way, I'm down with the KC guys comparing Dice's style to David Cone. (Good call. He's like David Cone on acid.) As a reward, I'm not making a joke about Bob Davis pounding Ensure for at least four more innings.

11:42 -- Wait a second, new Royals closer Octavio Dotel went on the DL and might miss the first three weeks of the season? You're kidding me! This is shocking! The guy's normally a rock! How does this happen????

11:50 -- Gordon boots a leadoff grounder from Julio Lugo to start the third. I'm getting the sinking feeling that we'll see the following ESPN.com headline in about six weeks: "ROYALS SEND GORDON TO TRIPLE-A, REGRET PUTTING SO MUCH PRESSURE ON HIM."

1:11 -- Bob Davis attempts his first joke of the day: "The No. 9 hitter, Dustin Pedroia, then the top of the order, Lugo and Youkilis. (Prolonged pause while he debates the joke. And then...) Sounds like a law firm -- Pedroia, Lugo and Youkilis, Limited."

(The best part: Not even a forced chuckle from Splittorff. Nothing. Just dead silence.)

Is there a source to this funny business?

Bill Simmons on Page 2 espn.com...

I went through the blog and copied and pasted everything relevant to a Royals fan...the rest is a bunch of Dice-K shit.

Greinke pitched just as well as Dice-K did, but of course to ESPN.com it was only Dice who "dazzled."

Bob Davis is horrible...

That's because he's Nippon.

Pretty much. Greinke looks pretty solid.

I watched the game with a huge Red Sox fan. I warned him that Davis sucked, but he was still shocked by how bad he was. Also, he admitted Greinke looked almost as good as Dice-K.

Hootie probably roots for one of the Chicago teams, and I would venture its not the one that won it all a couple of years ago.

I'm a fan of no particular baseball team. I like when the White Sox win, I like when the Cubs win, and I like when the Royals win.

I am pretty turned off on MLB because of teams like the Yankees.