Tiger Woods to hold news conference Friday
 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100217/...dlcndvb2RzdG8-

MARANA, Ariz. – Tiger Woods will end nearly three months of silence Friday when he speaks to the media for the first time about his middle-of-the-night accident sparked shocking revelations about his infidelity.

Woods will speak to a small group of reporters at 11 a.m. Friday from the clubhouse of the TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla., home of the PGA Tour.

"This is all about the next step," Mark Steinberg, his agent, told The Associated Press. "He's looking forward to it."

Steinberg said he would speak to a "small group of friends, colleagues and close associates" about his past and what he plans next, along with apologizing for his behavior.

He said three wire services would be in invited, and he was asking the Golf Writers Association of America to pick a small group of reporters to serve as a pool. Steinberg said there would be one pool camera, but it would be available live via satellite.

The news conference will be held during the Accenture Match Play Championship in Arizona, which is sure to steal attention away from the first big event of the year. Accenture was the first sponsor to drop Woods when he became embroiled in a sex scandal.

"It was a matter of timing," Steinberg said.

When asked if the news conference could have waited until after Accenture's tournament, he replied, "No."

He's going to announce his wife is a ho .

With a ho on each arm.

While Robert Palmer's Addicted to Love plays behind him.

The Pope and Tiger Woods
 

The Pope and Tiger Woods die on the same day and because of an administrative mix up the Pope went to Hell and Tiger Woods went to Heaven.


The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in Hell, and after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error.



"However", the clerk explains, "it would be 24 hours before it can be rectified".

Next day the Pope is called and Hell's staff bids him farewell.

On the way up, the Pope meets Tiger Woods coming down from Heaven and they stop to have a chat.



"Sorry about the mix up", apologizes the Pope.


"No problem" replied Tiger Woods.

Pope: "I am really anxious to get to Heaven"


Tiger: "Why is that?"


Pope: "All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary"


Tiger: "You're a day late."

Third world dictators think this will be a sham.

He should just go up there and say, hey folks, I really like sex. And I don't like sex with just one woman, I like sex with lots of different women. And so I'm going to get a divorce and give my wife a shitload of money and then it will be none of anyone's business how many women I have sex with. Thank you for coming and have a nice day.

Hopefully it goes something like this:

"First off, I wholeheartedly admit I'm probably the biggest dumb ass alive for making the decision to get married as rich, professional athlete while in my early 30s. I mean who in his right mind would have thunk that a good looking, pro athlete millionaire in his early 30's would want to sleep with more than one woman for the rest of his life? *pffft* That was sarcasm people.

I'm cutting my losses and giving her half my shit with an agreement that my future earnings cannot be touched. She'll never have to work a day again in her life and live like a queen to shut her up because I know I'm never going to live down sleeping with 20 women while I was married to her. I know I'll spend the rest of my life living like a beaten dog staying married to her.

Anyway, the boys, you know who you are, your plane tickets are on the way to your house via parcel. I have the penthouse at The Bellagio for two weeks before I have to go out and start winning some more tournaments.

To the media; you're a bunch of ****ing vultures. **** you. Everyone else, I'll see on the golf course."

(walks off with middle finger raised over shoulder)

is it good or bad news Magic Johnson is going to be there with him?

Actually, Magic Johnson is just what he calls his johnson. He wants everyone to know he's bringing it.

To the sponsors that abandoned me: **** YOU. You're going to be kissing my ass in 2 years.

i wonder what the ratings on this will be. lol

Don't care.

Thanks for the info.

No prob. But really though is this thread worthy?