Gladiator Round 1, Match 26: kyle delexus vs. excessive
 

Kyle DeLexus:

AK-47 rifle with 20 rounds

No backup weapon

Time to prepare: 100 seconds


excessive:

Baseball Bat with six nails studded into it

No backup weapon

Time to prepare: 25 seconds


Venue:


USS Seawolf (SSN-21) 1,000 feet below the surface in the middle of the Pacific ocean (no sailors on board - remotely piloted). Starting distance 350 feet - 1 at bow, 1 at stern.

excessive has to find a good place to hide and club Kyle from behind. I thinks this one is more of a toss-up than one might imagine. I'm going to buck conventional wisdom and go with the melee this time.

excessive wins.

I'd think excessive should just do himself in with the bat at go!

Is there a time limit on these matches?

If there isn't and I'm Kyle.....I sit back at the end of the boat and make him come to me.

You discharge an AK-47 in those tight quarters and you're both probably bleeding from the ears. Well, excessive would be bleeding from his ears and from the gaping gunshot wound left behind by that 7.62 round.

Easy win for Kyle.

This is a good question, and I've been pondering that. It seems logical that there should be a time limit, but I'm not sure how to implement it. Neither side really has an incentive to risk their life. Maybe we should have a rule that each person has a time bomb placed in their carotid artery that gets disarmed only when they win.

EXCESSSSSIIIIIVVVVE.... I'm WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAITIIIIIIIIIIING!

EXCESSSSSIIIIIVVVVE......................COME OUT AND PLAaaaaaaAAAAAYYYY! (while clinking glass bottles together on the ends of his fingers)

In close quarters, I think there's some advantage in having a close quarters weapon like the bat. However, in a submarine I'm not sure there's enough room for a proper windup and swing. I think excessive and kyle will meet at a corner and excessive will end up denting a wall or whatever those door things are called, and kyle will just bring the gun up and shoot.

Assuming kyle can shoot, of course. Will the hull survive an AK-47 shot, or does kyle have to abandon his weapon immediately? That's a key factor, in my opinion.

Excessive can't just wait him out because it's a pressurized hull.

Kyle has 100 seconds to process this, but he'll immediately realize that Excessive can only win in a melee. As such, as soon as the whistle starts, he'll haul ass to make it amidships, thus giving him a line of sight all the way down the sub. He would then be able to know if Excessive has moved into a forward compartment because he'd see him come through the bulkhead door.

He could advance one compartment at a time until he gets to the last compartment, where Excessive is still hiding (lest he have been shot as he tried to move forward). And could stand at a tight angle to the doorway itself and fire 10 rounds into the room. The pressure hull is going to ricochet those bullets all over that room (due to the tight angle, it is virtually impossible to get Kyle).

Excessive will either run from the room in panic (getting blasted by the remaining 10 rounds) or simply get plugged by a ricochet.

In either event, unless Kyle plans this incredibly poorly, he should be able to hold excessive down, drive the action and win fairly easily.

There is a reason our combat troops storm buildings with machine guns and not baseball bats loaded with nails.

Game over. rock beats scissors, scissors cut paper, AK-47 shoots studded baseball bat.

Who the piss is "excessive?