Other women.
 

I had a discussion last night with my girlfriend about a relationship dilemma one of her closest friends is faced with. These kinds of conversations often serve as firestarters. If a man is too candid he can often represent an opinion that will be superimposed onto his own relationship.

So the two of us were talking about the process of a man "settling down".

I told her about a song I'd been listening to that gives the male perspective of this process. A skit preceded the song. In that skit a man lays out his account of how men always wrestle with the urge to sleep with other women. It was an "inside" conversation. The language was brash, but it was something most men could identify and stand in agreement with. Needless to say, she was repulsed by the idea that men are often desirous of other women. So now I'm in an odd position of having to answer to her about my own desires. I think women have these heart-warming ideas that a man who has committed himself to her no longer has an eye for other women. I think that's patently false.

Gents when you settled down to a monogamous relationship...
Was that a by-product of having sewn your oats or are you simply managing the urge to sleep with other women?

In taking to older male friends I've been told time and time again that the desire to be with other women never goes away...you just manage it for fidelity's sake.

True or false?

When I'm in a monogamous, committed relationship I don't desire to be with other women, only the one I'm with. That being said, my past relationship haven't been 'long-term' and I haven't "settled down" so..

That being said, telling a woman you're with that you desire to be with other women when you're not looking to end your current relationship is not very intelligent.

To some degree this is dead on.
I thought I could have a grown up conversation with my lady and be candid about what men go through.
Now I realize that one other part of making a relationship work is lying to keep the peace.

The primal, instinctive urge never goes away. It might even get worse. But, in my case at least, it's repressed by my love for my wife, the desire to give the kids a stable family and the hesitance to lose half (or more) of my shit.

Not blabbering & lying aren't the same thing.

It never goes away. Lot's of attractive women out there. You might not want to hang out with them for 7 hours on a Saturday, or have them be a mother to your children, but they sure do look good.

I concur. This is what I tried to explain, but the idea that the desire is ever even there sent her over the edge.

True story.

I just wanna be able to speak candidly about my true feelings without incriminating myself in some indirect way. But that comes at a price I 'spose.

for me, those receptors turned off a long time ago.

then again, my wife is hot and I'm in love with her, so it's never been a problem.


....i think it boils down to getting what you need, and taking your commitment seriously..current culture pimps a throwaway society, including relationships.

There is a difference between attraction to other women and a desire to pump them full of man goo. The attraction to other women never goes away. It's simply instinct. Once you are married, the desire to put your wife ahead of heathen desires wins out and you find that you care more about her and your family well being than nailing some hottie just because she has a nice body.

btw, you violated man code by speaking to her about this you know.

This.

Speaking as a 49 year old married male it is absolutely true and Springsteen said it best,"you can look but you better not touch."

And if the feeling does get too strong :whackit:

That being said, you sound like a pretty good dude.

That being said, I agree.