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-   -   Life Violent, naked, pooping, masturbating home intruder. Guess where? (http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=269227)

teedubya 01-23-2013 10:34 AM

Today's Florida News...
 
Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates

http://gawker.com/5978198

It's never a dull day in Florida, our country's most fantastic state. Let's set the scene: It's Monday, January 21, and an unnamed North Fort Myers resident is lying in bed relaxing after a hard day's work. Just after 7 p.m., he hears a noise coming from his roof — he thinks it sounds like thunder. He goes outside to investigate the disturbance, when he sees 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni running on his house. Bruni leaps from the roof, tackling the man. Bruni is naked.

From there, Bruni runs into the house, hellbent on destruction. He sees a "large television" minding its own business and knocks it off its stand. He then spies a vacuum cleaner. How do you terrorize a vacuum cleaner? You don't — you just empty its contents back onto the floor. That's what Bruni does. From there, things finally start to get weird:

Bruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, where several guns were stored, so the man's wife fired three warning shots from a .38 revolver.

The arrest report says Bruni fell to the floor - but then began pleasuring himself.

He got up off the floor, ran into the son's bedroom and began rubbing clothing on his face.

Police are called, and they apprehend a flailing, babbling Bruni only after Tasering him. "Tase him, bro," a cop almost certainly says. Bruni is taken to a hospital, but doctors there say they can't identify what drug he is on. The answer is either all of them, or one you've never heard of. Or bath salts. Probably bath salts.

Police charge Bruni with two counts of criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence. Everyone else in Florida goes to sleep that night, awaiting their turn.

Bowser 01-23-2013 10:44 AM

MEANWHILE, IN FLORIDA

bevischief 01-23-2013 11:20 AM

Wow.

BigMeatballDave 01-23-2013 11:26 AM

What a stroke of bad luck...

OmahaChief 01-23-2013 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dave (Post 9344171)
What a stroke of bad luck...

I wonder if the guy will get off..

BigCatDaddy 01-23-2013 11:32 AM

He sure wasn't master of that domain.

Der Flöprer 01-23-2013 11:36 AM

How did be bait those folks from coming outside? I wonder if he came inside.

bowener 01-23-2013 11:39 AM

I feel like if somebody made animated shorts of FLA headlines/news stories like these, they would find success.

KILLER_CLOWN 01-23-2013 11:59 AM

I have a hard time believing this happened in the fine state of Florida.

Scorp 01-23-2013 12:01 PM

That's the last straw dammit...........I am moving to Florida!

BigMeatballDave 01-23-2013 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OmahaChief (Post 9344183)
I wonder if the guy will get off..

Yeah, he'll beat it.

thebrad84 01-23-2013 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by teedubya (Post 9344041)
so the man's wife fired three warning shots from a .38 revolver.

Not only a waste of ammo, but also a waste of a perfectly good reason to rid the world of this moron. Now he will likely go on to procreate and add to the problems of this country.

teedubya 01-23-2013 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bowener (Post 9344223)
I feel like if somebody made animated shorts of FLA headlines/news stories like these, they would find success.

True. ROFL. Something nutty as shit happens almost daily in Florida. It's uncanny.

gblowfish 01-23-2013 01:20 PM

Good to know: In Florida, if you get caught red handed committing a crime, just a) drop trou, b) fall to the floor, c) beat it like it owes you money.

Instant psyche defense!

Rausch 01-23-2013 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by teedubya (Post 9344041)
Everyone else in Florida goes to sleep that night, awaiting their turn.

LMAO


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