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AussieChiefsFan 02-16-2013 05:38 AM

World Surrenders To North Korea
Well, Bye.

World Surrenders To North Korea
Pyongyang, the capital city of Earth’s new rulers.

PYONGYANG—Following reports earlier this morning that the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea successfully conducted its third nuclear test, sources confirmed that every nation on the planet has surrendered to the mighty East Asian dictatorship.
Less than 24 hours after news of North Korea’s detonation of an atomic bomb at a test site near the Chinese border, humbled representatives from around the globe gathered before the Supreme People’s Assembly in Pyongyang to concede defeat to North Korea and offer their services to Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un and his indomitable empire.
“In the face of this immense show of military might, our choice has become clear: surrender now or be instantly annihilated,” U.S. President Barack Obama said as he joined United Kingdom Prime Minister David Cameron, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, and all other world leaders in kneeling and groveling before the Dear Leader. “At this point, we cannot resist the will of the North Korean dominion, nor would we want to. Our defeated nations and the people therein are hereby property of our Noble Leader, who henceforth may do with them as he wishes.”
“May the divinely ordained dynasty endure for 1,000 years!” Obama added.
The former U.S. Capitol building, now headquarters of the North Korean–American Workers’ Party.

According to sources worldwide, following the total and unyielding capitulation of Russia, China, South Korea, and the rest of Earth’s nearly 200 sovereignties to North Korea, the newly subjugated nations have already begun the process of relinquishing their governments, militaries, cultural identities, and media outlets to the all-powerful autocracy.
Additionally, sources confirmed the global surrender has been expedited through the immediate occupation of all centers of government by thousands of North Korean diplomats, who are overseeing the voluntary turnover of all property—including munitions, gold bullion, and food—to the People’s Republic, which in the future may dole them out to its recently acquired territories as it deems appropriate.
“The United States and the rest of the world looks forward to devoting its resources and manpower to the great cultural and political project of our new North Korean rulers,” said Obama, as halfway around the world a North Korean flag was raised above the newly relinquished U.S. Capitol building. “It is a shame that it took this latest nuclear test to reveal our foolhardiness in attempting to resist the will of the mighty North Korean empire. Our only hope is that the great People’s Republic will forgive our past arrogance and take pity on its poor subjects. Your might and power truly know no equal, Dear Leader.”
When reached for comment Tuesday, the Global Supreme Leader himself was less conciliatory.

“The surrender of North Korea’s global enemies was an inevitability that our adversaries were foolish to delay,” Kim said. “In the coming weeks, the world’s people will learn firsthand the dear price of their resistance.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: Following the complete and utter surrender of the world’s inferior peoples to North Korea, The Onion would like to reaffirm its decades-long loyalty to the People’s Republic. As the Supreme Leader is no doubt aware, The Onion has secretly financed the Korean Workers’ Party since its inception, and we are proud at last to see the Powerful and Prosperous Nation take its rightful place. Long may North Korea reign, and death and dishonor to any who hope to oppose this mighty nation.

Mr. Flopnuts 02-16-2013 07:05 AM

ROFL What are they going to do when chants of "Let us eat steak!" are chanted throughout the streets?

BigRichard 02-16-2013 07:51 AM

See, I told you this would happen when they elected comrade Obama /DCtard

BlackHelicopters 02-16-2013 07:58 AM

Never saw this coming.

GloryDayz 02-16-2013 08:27 AM

Well, I like Sushi, so I think I've got a leg-up over some in the new world order...

Ace Gunner 02-16-2013 09:00 AM

korean bbq is killer too

KILLER_CLOWN 02-16-2013 09:04 AM

I for one accept our new overlords....

Man CP is slipping these days.

KC Tattoo 02-16-2013 09:16 AM

I can live with it if this is what we got to look forward too? Chiefs Planet way ahead of the UN on this.

Hog's Gone Fishin 02-16-2013 09:18 AM

It would be so great if an asteroid plowed that nation.

I guess I better get to work, I'm sure Mr. Ung likes pork.

RINGLEADER 02-16-2013 09:35 AM

It would have to be a capitalist asteroid pulled from the heavens by the imperialist American military. An American military that they no doubt can vanquish with their own secret weapons.

If you've ever read the official NPK news site you'll get the joke...their real news is usually more out there than The Onion.

Hammock Parties 02-16-2013 09:43 AM

Our training with dictator Pioli has trained us well for this crisis.

King_Chief_Fan 02-16-2013 10:03 AM

there will an arsenal of bombs flying up his behind as soon as he launches one.

Rausch 02-16-2013 10:58 AM


Originally Posted by GoWalrus (Post 9407051)
Our training with dictator ***** has trained us well for this crisis.

After our last three POTUS I'm convinced SOC would do a better job deposing the leadership in North Korea...

In58men 02-16-2013 11:05 AM

If we had Dorner things would be different.

GloryDayz 02-16-2013 11:06 AM


Originally Posted by KILLER_CLOWN (Post 9406982)
I for one accept our new overlords....

Man CP is slipping these days.

Well we all work for Barak now, how much ****ing worse could it get?

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