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-   -   Nat'l Security Bill To Regulate Pressure Cookers Gaining Steam (http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=272380)

KILLER_CLOWN 04-23-2013 07:25 AM

Bill To Regulate Pressure Cookers Gaining Steam
 
Daily Paul – by Pol Pot

A bipartisan bill introduced on Monday will require background checks on pressure cooker sales and set limits on sales of nails and ball bearings.

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/i...1GEcAMY69teq7Y

House Bill 10-289, the ‘Pressure Cooker Prevention of Crime and Protection of Children Act of 2013′ (PCPCPCA) has already gained 391 sponsors spanning both of the two sides of the political spectrum, the Democrats and the Republicans.

However, despite the tragedy of April 15 in Boston, which killed three people including an innocent child, and injured hundreds including probably at least two dozen innocent, sweet little children, some politicians are actually opposing it.

“I know it’s a cliche, but I’m gonna say it again – if pressure cookers are outlawed, then only outlaws will have pressure cookers” said Senator Rand Paul, a noted rabble-rouser and suspected right-wing republican.

Other voices in Washington were more reasonable.

“I appreciate pressure cookers and the American pressure cooker culture” says Congressman Jack Slipjaw (D-South Dakota) “but the simple fact remains: nobody needs more than one pressure cooker, and nobody but a bloodthirsty terrorist needs one with greater than a 6-inch diameter. Background checks and a waiting period will save countless lives in the future, many of them innocent small beautiful children like that one that was killed in Boston.”

“The language in the bill is too vague” opined Rep. Randy Rootentooter (R-Hawaii). A 5-day waiting period for 6-inch wide pressure cookers, but a 7-day period for cookers 8 1/4 inches wide or greater? These designations are arbitrary, and any debate on them is just arguing semantics, except with numbers and fractions instead of words.”

A rider in the bill concerning the purchase of nails and ball bearings is also drawing criticism. Senator Sassy Grassstain, another republican politician from Alabama or Louisiana, may actually have her head screwed on straight. “We have taken many factors into consideration while considering the factors for sales of nails and ball-bearings, and have come to the logical conclusion that nails shorter than one inch cannot pierce vital organs and therefore will be allowed for sale without a nail-owner’s permit. Anything longer than that is a deadly weapon or at least a dangerous one if used by an unqualified person to do home repairs that should only be tackled by a professional. Furthermore, all purchases of ball bearings should be immediately eyed with suspicion. Think about it. When is the last time you’ve needed a box of ball bearings? Clearly only machine shops and terrorists need a whole box of deadly ball bearings.”

The bill is expected to pass the senate and be signed into law on Tuesday.

http://www.dailypaul.com/283062/bill...-gaining-steam

LMAO

mikey23545 04-23-2013 07:32 AM

“I appreciate pressure cookers and the American pressure cooker culture” says Congressman Jack Slipjaw (D-South Dakota) “but the simple fact remains: nobody needs more than one pressure cooker, and nobody but a bloodthirsty terrorist needs one with greater than a 6-inch diameter. Background checks and a waiting period will save countless lives in the future, many of them innocent small beautiful children like that one that was killed in Boston.”



Nobody needs a pressure cooker with more than a six hamhock magazine!

****ing liberals...LMAO

LiveSteam 04-23-2013 07:32 AM

How will I can my squirrel meat. Oh the humanity

KILLER_CLOWN 04-23-2013 07:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LiveSteam (Post 9616285)
How will I can my squirrel meat. Oh the humanity

No one is saying you can't have one, you just have to pass the background check and withstand the waiting period. /libtard

LiveSteam 04-23-2013 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KILLER_CLOWN (Post 9616291)
No one is saying you can't have one, you just have to pass the background check and withstand the waiting period. /libtard

Libtard LMAO

mlyonsd 04-23-2013 09:46 AM

They'll have to pry it from my wife's cold dead hands.

Cheater5 04-23-2013 10:01 AM

Is this an Onion article? It has to be a joke.

Radar Chief 04-23-2013 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheater5 (Post 9616684)
Is this an Onion article? It has to be a joke.


They can have my pressure cooker when they pry it from my cold dead hands!

bevischief 04-23-2013 10:46 AM

LMAO

King_Chief_Fan 04-23-2013 10:49 AM

I guess I will have to get out the gun and protect my pressure cooker

ChiefaRoo 04-23-2013 10:56 AM

Propane should be illegal! Propane is the Devil!/Kingsford Lobby

theelusiveeightrop 04-23-2013 05:36 PM

Obvious satire is satirical.

dred 04-23-2013 10:31 PM

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a pressure cooker, is a good guy with a pressure cooker. / Chef LaPierre

teedubya 04-23-2013 10:45 PM

It's my second amendment right to have a pressure cooker.

Thig Lyfe 04-23-2013 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheater5 (Post 9616684)
Is this an Onion article? It has to be a joke.

Onion articles are usually well-written and have some semblance of humor. So, no.


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