Hey Hootie!! I need some relationship advice!
 

Hoots, I'm going to lay out a situation. Tell me what you'd do.

It's been about 2.5 years since I've been laid. Basically because I don't care. Animals screw. It's just a base physical act that tends to complicate things in general. And I know. I've been laid plenty prior.

However, this past week, some of my co-workers and myself went out for some drinks to blow off some steam after a brutal couple of weeks and I proceeded to get pretty freaking drunk. Subsequently, I was told my no less than three girls that night that they had crushes on me. Probably something you don't want to tell a guy who hasn't been laid in two and a half years who's been drinking hard for four hours. Anyway, I now have naked pictures on my phone of four women (aged 19, 23, 38, 47) and I kinda made out that night with another one who is best friends with the 38 year old who is dating one of my good friends. (Who has subsequently asked me if I wanted to take her swimming while her boyfriend was at work.)

Also, I might or might not have had sex with the 23 year old in the back seat of a guys car who was the designated driver that night while he was driving us home.

So, what would you do in such a situation? I ask you because I'm looking for some solid, objective advice versus some horrible moralistic bullshit that I know I'm going to get from some of the other dudes around here. And it sounds like a situation you would have put yourself in at one time or another. Help me out bro.

First off, I delete the numbers to the 38 & 47 year old. I then proceed to bang the 19 & 23 year old non-stop until they get sick of my nonsense all the while leveraging these hookups in my back pocket while I go out and try and find upgrades to said hookups with the knowledge that if I fail I have two fallback crutches that'll come over in the matter of 1 text when I'm drunk

tl;dr

Congrats on the hot streak (what life is all about), don't **** it up ... Hot streaks are the best. Women come and go in droves

They into watersports?

Couldn't help it. Sorry man.

...And if you're dumb enough to want a girlfriend, either pick the hot one, or if they're both with a number of one another (like one is a 6 and the other is a 7), pick the one who will go to a bar with you, get wasted, and not be embarrassed when you yell profanities at Ned Yost in public for questionable bullpen management

I've had so much urine and blood on me over the years I think I'm immune to any disease, fungus, or sickness. I'm like the love cockroach.

If any of them have $.... That's your answer.

LMAO
You need to go to the CDC man. They'll name the retro-viral after you.

So.. tempted.. to make this your sig.... :D

Marry all 4 of them, duh.

Well he is in Utah..............

Yet I ask in a thread instead of a PM in attempt to humblebrag

Don't be jealous of the hot streak bro

Besides, we could be talking about a quartet of 4's here! You just don't know!