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Bob Dole 04-09-2002 05:34 PM

Another Bob Dole NFBT Rant
You were warned.

Bob Dole realizes there are some devoutly religious individuals here on the Planet, and actually reads most of the religion-based threads without participating. Bob Dole freely admits to having some serious doubts about the usefullness of <i>organized</I> religion, but openly respects everyone's personal beliefs.

Given that preface, here's the latest event from the Neighborhood from Hell.

As you probably know, Bob Dole's entire lawn equipment inventory performed an assisted disappearing act from the garage last fall. As you probably guessed, Bob Dole has not been eager to rush out and buy new lawn equipment, fearing that it will meet the same end. Thusly, Bob Dole's "lawn" ain't been touched since last fall--except for the motocross track Reliant Energy so thoughtfully built in the side yard.

Other useful background: Bob Dole lives across the street from a large Baptist church. Last Spring, a week after Bob Dole moved in, one of the neighbors (who happens to be a member of the Baptist church across the street) came over and asked Bob Dole if he could do something with his "lawn" because the church was trying to make the neighborhood look nice. Bob Dole, who has historically taken pride in the lawn's appearance, was embarassed that a neighbor came to ask, and promptly fixed the problem lawn, and improved it with flowers and such over the course of the Spring/Summer. At the time of the equipment theft, Bob Dole's lawn looked better than the complaining neighbor's, and he actually had the nerve to stop by as Bob Dole was sweating his fat white ass off one Saturday afternoon and tell Bob Dole as much.

So Bob Dole is sitting here about 15 minutes ago and the Chihuahua Alert System goes haywire and Bob Dole looks out to see some unknown 60-something male walking up the walk. Bob Dole turns down the top volume Hoobastank and answers the door accompanied by 14 total pounds of fury and steps out on the porch with Bud in hand.

"How are you?" inquires the old coot.

"Other than trapped in a house with furious Chihuahuas, pretty well," replies Bob Dole. (Bob Dole takes a pull on the bottle...)

Old guy: "Good...good. Has anyone mention that we has a prospective new minister coming in to visit this weekend?"

Sensing what is about to transpire, suddenly less-pleasant Bob Dole replies, "Why would they? I don't attend that church."

Old fart: "Uh-hum. Well, we have a prospective new minister coming in to visit..."

Rude Bob Dole interrupts, "I gathered that much. Thanks."

Raisin: " We're trying to make sure the neighborhood looks really good and were wondering whether you could do anything with your yard."

Bob-I-Knew-It-Dole: "No, I can't."

Prune Eater: blank stare

Bob-Increasingly-Disgusted-Dole: "Someone was kind enough to steal all my lawn equipment last Fall and I have not yet replaced it. I have been talking to a guy about buying his used Toro, and if he actually shows up with it before the weekend, you can rest assured I'll use it. If he doesn't, I don't really have any way to take care of it. I don't like looking at this shit either, if you want to know the truth, but I'm hesitant to go out and spend $500 on new lawn equipment so the dirtbags can break into the garage and steal it again."

Already-Paid-for-My-Burial-Plot-Man: "Ummm. Hmmmm. Well..."

Bob Dole: "You know, I noticed you had the church lawn done today. If it was really a big concern, you could have had them come over here and chop down my weed patch. Or you can send them back to do it tomorrow if you want. You the spirit of 'Christian Charity' and all..."

Why-Did-I-Get-Elected-to-this-Shit-Guy: blank stare

Bob Dole: (Resisting the urge to point out that the guy does the blank stare thing quite a bit and might want to see his physician about it.) Well, if you guys want to do that, or if the guy shows up with the used mower before Friday and it actually works, I'll sure have it looking spiffy for you. I'm not going to go buy new equipment, nor am I going to pay anyone to come mow it, so I guess it's your choice."

At which point Bob Dole turned around and walked back in to Chihuahua Haven.

Bob Dole supposes the question is: Was Bob Dole out of line? And if you've got enough sack to go ring someone's doorbell to bitch about their yard, and you're really a compassionate, caring person living the Christain lifestyle, wouldn't you feel obligated to offer some sort of solution (other than scissors) when informed that some shitbag stole all the lawn equipment? Hell, Bob Dole doesn't go to church and has mowed a neighbor's yard more than once when they couldn't/wouldn't.

Bob Dole <i>probably</i> isn't going to mow the thing if the guy shows up with the mower in 15 minutes. It's the principle.

Earthling 04-09-2002 05:43 PM

I think you covered all the bases quite nicely. If they were so concerned they should have volunteered to mow it themselves, especially after realizing that you were in the process of trying to get a mower yourself. BTW had any more problems with the neighbors??

keg in kc 04-09-2002 05:45 PM

I've got no problem with what you said/did and I don't think you were out of line at all, under the circumstances.

Bob Dole 04-09-2002 05:48 PM

Other than a few excessive noise (screaming a top volume outin the street) calls to Johnny Law, it's been pretty quiet.

(Knocking on wooden head.)

tommykat 04-09-2002 05:49 PM

you covered your bases alright......:rolleyes:
But without diplomacy unlike u.......they mean well and they should handle it. But if you choose to live there then you should keep the lawn it counts......:rolleyes:

RedandGold 04-09-2002 05:51 PM

Simply put, you did the right thing.

People like that are nothing short of a nuisance, and if they are so quick to point out a problem, they should be just as quick to help in the solution.

Way to go!

JOhn 04-09-2002 05:54 PM

Nobody says it like you bob :LOL:

You could always do what my parents did. The state dept of transportation was complaining about my parents not keeping some weeds cut down along the edge of there property. Said it obstructed peoples view.

So dad went out and bought about 10 gallons of some kind of weed killer, and sprayed it all, Including the right a way that was the states responsiblity. Nothin but bare dirt all summer, every summer after that. If a sprout of green showed up, out came the weed killer.


Bob Dole 04-09-2002 05:55 PM

On whose timeframe? There's not a thing out there in the lawn that's taller than 6 or 7 inches. Nowhere near enough for the city to come out and give notice.

Like Bob Dole told the guy--if it was really a big concern, you should have spent the extra $10 and had your lawn people troll across the street with their riding mower and whack the thing down. Bob Dole doesn't give a rat's ass whether they have an interviewee coming to visit or not. Bob Dole isn't going to go buy new equipment, and the toro won't fit in the Acura.

Phobia 04-09-2002 05:57 PM

They shouldn't have to come right your doorbell. It is a reasonable expectation that lawns be upkept. You should have explained the circumstances to the old guy without the attitude. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Now, go borrow the neighbor's mower and take care of business. These people probably had a 20 minute meeting and an election to send that guy over....

ROYC75 04-09-2002 05:57 PM

Sounds like a wise crack'n,smarta$$ Texas Jerk if you ask me ! Way to go Bob, you showed them your true colors all in one day ! Beer drinking slob with a poor excuse not to mend to you lawn duties. The good ole Dole charm at it's finest !

:D ;) :p


As for the church member, he could have offered his services in another way.


Pop another one bud, you'll get over it soon !ROFL :LOL:

morphius 04-09-2002 05:57 PM

I think the blank stare was shock that you said "no" to start with, and after last time seeing how nice your yeard was he thought no big deal of coming over. Then after you said no, following it with all of your stuff being stolen the guy was just in shock and was rendered useless for the rest of the conversation.

I wouldn't say out of line is wrong, just walking the line. The guy was probably just thinking "holy crap" the entire way home and is more worried that all of your lawn equipment was stolen as he fears for his own.

Bob Dole 04-09-2002 05:57 PM


Originally posted by JOhn
You could always do what my parents did...Nothin but bare dirt all summer, every summer after that. :D
You know... Maybe Bob Dole could do that, buy a load of gravel and charge $2.00/hour for parking.

Bob Dole 04-09-2002 06:01 PM


Originally posted by KPhobia
Now, go borrow the neighbor's mower and take care of business. These people probably had a 20 minute meeting and an election to send that guy over....
This wasn't the neighbor that came over this time, it was some strange guy. And the selection meeting better have taken more than 20 minutes or Bob Dole is slipping.

Bob Dole asked the neighbor to borrow his mower last year when he came over, and the request was ignored (denied). Go figure.

And for the sake of completion: The neighbor who came over last year is aware of the equipment theft, because Bob Dole did the neighborly thing and notified the neighbor as soon as the police left. Bob Dole would wan to know if things were being stolen from next door...

tommykat 04-09-2002 06:02 PM


You have an attitude showing that I haven't thing to tell someone the reason.....another to CHOOSE not to buy lawn equipment again. (notice???? choose????) your choice not to buy, but I would think you would like your yard to look good.

Multi1 04-09-2002 06:03 PM

Ok, the old guy here has woke up and has kind of an answer.

First, don't confuse religion with Christianity, that is a common mistake in the world.

Second, if the city/town/subdivision that you live in does not have ordinances regulating the mowing of your lawn, it is nobody's business what your yard looks like. There are places in the country where you can be fined for grass taller than X", and then have to pay the city/town/subdivision authorities for cutting your lawn.

You did not treat this guy poorly, I would guess that you stated your case matter of factly. And you are right, if they were concerned about the appearance of your yard, they would have sent the guy with the machine over to cut it to impress their prospective pastor.

My approch would have been to tell the guy that asked me to come over to pound sand where the sun don't shine. If I was concerned I would have come over and said somethink like:
I've noticed your lawn needs mowing, would you mind if our youth group cut and cleaned your yard?

If a prospective pastor cannot look at the people in the church and decide based on that, the system is wrong.

Have I rambled enough................................I thought so, end of transmission!!

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