****OFFICIAL DAD JOKES THREAD****
 

How does the moon give the sun a haircut?


Eclipse it.

. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry we don’t serve food here."

What Happened to the frog that illegally parked? He got toad

"A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, 'Sorry we don't serve food here.'"




"Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks."

****

What do you call a masturbating bull?

Beef stroganoff.

What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison? A small medium at large

What do you call a camel with no humps? Humphrey

I got a book on improving my memory, for the life of me I can't remember where I put it.

Hundreds of kids are shipped off to mime school every year never to be heard from again.

I have an epileptic midget friend who makes pizzas for a living. I call him "little seizures."

How can you tell Ronald McDonald out of a lineup of naked men?

He's the one with the sesame seed buns!

All good KCTattoo, I feel we are somehow connected!!

What's the difference between your wife and your job?

Your job will still suck after 5 years.

I know it's funny what was odds of same joke? LMAO


Great minds think alike ;)

Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself?
- it's two tired.


What's the best time to go to the dentist?
- 2:30

Why couldn't you hear the pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the P is silent.

Oh you ****ed that up it's ~ tooth-thirty

or

"What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y."

Why did the arsonist go to the gym?


:To feel the burn.

I prefer what I wrote. That's why I wrote it.

What did the carrot say to the orange?

"**** YOU!"