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If you're on the couch and are having trouble breathing, don't bother with a hose. You're probably choking on a potato chip. Simply pat your belly until your dog jumps on you, sorta like the Heimlich menouver.
Pro tip: Chewing often prevents this.
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"And I don't wish that girl any bad luck," he said, "but I hope she gets hit with a car."
- Tommy Lasorda
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