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Learn to !@#$ing cut.
Cooking is a hell of a lot less onerous if you just learn how to use a basic chef's knife. Always keep the tip of the knife on the cutting surface and 'rock' the knife as you feed food through it. Ideally you curl the fingertips on the 'feed' hand back under at the first knuckle; it will keep you from taking the tip of your finger off if you're not paying attention.
Also, don't be scared of heat. Like really comically high heat. It's not always needed but there are times when it's just irreplaceable. Sometimes its something as silly as re-heating leftover fajitas (jesus, why would you ever do that in a microwave?). Other times it's trying to get an onion to caramelize or something. If you watch what you're cooking and keep it moving, high heat can be a very good thing.
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"If there's a god, he's laughing at us.....and our football team..."
"When you look at something through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags."
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