Trump steps to the microphone.
“I’m going to step in here. The Statue of Liberty can’t talk, people. It’s a statue. Who came up with this idea? John McCain? If he was still alive I’d fire him. Terrible idea to have a statue make a draft pick.
“Lady Liberty is French, you know. The French invented liberty. It wasn’t us. It was them. Napoleon did it. Or maybe it was that chick who got her head cut off, I don’t remember. I’d still date that chick even without a head. The head’s not always necessary. She had those low-cut dresses. You gotta love those. Back when I ran the beauty pageants, I gave extra points for those. People loved ‘em. They knew I had a great idea for having the girls low-cut dresses. People told me that. They cried when the swimsuit competition went away. That wasn’t my idea.
“But anyway, back to France. They lost two world wars, you know. Down on their knees, doing you know what for the Germans. America came in and turned it around. Won it. The French are a bunch of losers. They sent us a statue that can’t talk, which is why I’m out here. Who builds a statue that can’t talk? If that statue could talk, it would tell us to finish the wall, I bet.
“You probably want to hear about football now. You want a pick, I’ll give you one. And it’ll be a good one. Probably the best pick of the whole draft. I think I told you that I owned a football team once, so I’m amazing at picking football players. Tom Landry told me that. Wanted to hire me to run the Cowboys. But I bought my own team instead. I don't work for anyone but myself.
“The producer guy is waving a clock at me, so I guess I should announce the pick now. Here you go.
“The New York Giants select Jacob Slade, DT, Michigan State.”
"Now, let's bring out Herschel Walker to throw a pass. Is that a pretty pass or what?"
