Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man
I didn't have children, which was the best possible parenting I could have done.
Via observation of people that I've known since childhood, I've noticed that everyone parents in the same way that they were parented. They'll complain about how they were parented and will then do the same thing with their kids. It's kind of amazing once you notice it. There are a few generational twists, but the core principles carry from one generation to the next as if they're purely genetic.
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Eh.....
I know I don't. And it's really simple - I was the oldest kid and by God I was
going to put a stop to this nonsense.
Background: I never met my biological father. My mom never met hers and openly loathes her 'dad' (who divorce her mom shortly after my mom left the house) and her mom never knew HER biological father. My dad has no memory of his biological father (divorced when he was 3) and HIS dad had his mother kill herself
in front of them when he was around 7 or 8. Oh, and of course my folks got divorced when I was 9.
I decided that all that shit stops with me. It was just such a weird damn cloud of family drama. So, honestly, I did it right where none of them did. I didn't **** around when I was in college. I didn't date chicks because they'd blow me. I didn't have kids early. Every decision I made was calculated.
Then as a kid I was only allowed to play baseball because there were fewer practices and they were late at night so I could go to those. No football, basketball, swim, hockey or anything else I wanted to do. My kids, OTOH, can participate in whatever they want and we find ways to get them there (so I have 3 kids in 3 different organized team activities). I don't remember a time I even played catch with my folks - I coach 2 of my kids teams right now and have coached for all of them at some point.
My mom got home at 6:30, made dinner while watching soap operas until 7 then went into the office to work for the rest of the night. I come home around 5:30, make dinner, do stuff with the kids until 7:30, get ready, do stories and stuff and then if needed, after they go to bed, I'll go back to the office AFTER they're down for the night.
My mom's approach was largely erratic and emotional. You never knew if she was going to cry or yell or just ignore whatever. Mine isn't. Mine is consistent, the kids know what to expect and what the consequences of failing to meet those expectations are. By and large I don't usually need to give them more than a look these days because they KNOW when they've overstepped.
Nah. I don't parent the same way my parents did. I do it better. By a lot. And again - I have it easier. Stable marriage and income. My wife's a great mom and we complement each other well in how we approach the kids. But again, NONE of that was by accident. I do it better because I simply wasn't going to allow it to be otherwise.
So I'll probably end up with 2 drug addicts and a white-collar felon on my hands.
Because for all the things my folks did poorly - they ended up with a lawyer and my sister the ER Doctor for their 'efforts'. My sister has a theory on that I won't bore you with, but ultimately it's hard to say they ruined anyone.
So in the end, it's possible that none of it matters even a little bit.