Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ's left nut
I'll openly concede that I'm needlessly dogmatic here, but I'll never understand the "lets get married at the courthouse" folks.
It's important. ACT like it.
I've never known a couple to do the half-assed marriage thing where "Oh we're gonna just get the certificate signed and have a party later" where the marriage lasted. Now I don't know 50 people like that, but I think I know 5 or 6 and all of those folks got divorced within 5 years. And yes, I know that it's not universal, but I absolutely think the 'success rate' on those marriages is significantly lower.
Meanwhile myself and most of my friends got married fairly young; all by age 25. And all of us did the full marriage ceremony and what not. And all of us are still married, most of us over a decade later (I'm at 20 next summer).
I just think a lot of folks are strangely glib about what SHOULD be the most important decision you'll ever make in your life.
Then again, I'll spend months researching breeders before I'll so much as buy a dog. So there's probably an acceptable middle ground to be found.
But man, if it's that important, treat it as such.
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I had a couple in counseling not too long ago that eloped in a courthouse. They were having a variety of issues from the very beginning. Long story short, after a few sessions, one of the main factors turned out to be that the husband was very insecure about the sincerity and commitment in their marriage. The wife didn’t change her name, she has her own personal issues that prohibit effective communication and openness, further elevating his insecurity, and the husband having come from a divorced family (which he blames on his mom) always had this feeling of distrust, anxiety, and paranoia about the marriage which can be traced back to it not feeling like a real marriage to him.
It was very important that they set goals to make it feel more public and not something they were “hiding.” The wife got her name changed and they committed to doing a family get together where the families actually finally met. This made a huge difference in the foundation of the relationship. It was clear without intervention they were destined to fail. This could of course still happen but it is not going to be because they feel like they aren’t actually married.
There is something to be said for “making a big deal” about it beyond the bridezilla tropes. The courthouse method just doesn’t carry with it the appropriate level of emotion. A planned ceremony doesn’t need to be overly elaborate or expensive to be an effective shared life moment. It’s more about what it represents to yourselves and others. It shows the world you are proud to be one, but more importantly, each spouse has some level of confidence that the other wants their family and the world to know they are choosing you.