I ****ing HATE Golf !!!!....
.. That's right. **** you Golf. You piece of Shiot-sucking game. **** you again, I say.
And F8ck the goat sodomizing bastard Scotsman who invented the miserable game. If I see that (pinkie pulling) mother f@cker in heaven I'll beat his f@cking brains in. Course if he invented golf, that means he played golf and every golfer by definition is cheater and a liar therefore he's probably in hell... WHERE HE ****ING BELONGS!! for inventing this terminally f@cked, terminally frustrating, hypertension causing game.
Oh and to my golf clubs... **** YOU you dirty no good (pinkie pullers) See if I ever take you useless bastards anywhere nice again. You all deserve to be melted down and turned into ****ing bicycle spokes. That's right!!! Do you hear me? ****ing bicycle spokes!!!!! You bastards let me down today. You embarrassed me. Absolutely embarrassed me.
Don't look at me like that. You MF'ers did all that shiot on purpose and you ****ling know it!!! Especially you 5-Iron. Don't act like you didn't deserve that 75 foot helicopter ride down the cart path after you intentionally scuffed that tee shot on the par 3. You just sat there laughing as my ball skipped like a f@cking flat rock before it settled to the bottom of that lake. You're lucky I didn't throw you in front of a speeding semi-trailer. So F@CK YOU!!!!!
Don't look so upset 7-Iron. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You did your job. From 140 - 160 you were dead on. I want you to know I'm not taking this out on you. You still have a home.
As for you pitching wedge. Just what ****ing good are you? You think it's funny? Huh? Do ya? You little SOB. Don't make me come over there and bash you into the ground again you useless hunk of ****ing pot metal. Smacking balls over the green today. Just to p!ss me off. WTF did I ever do to you? I bought you. Put a f@cking roof over your head. Clean you religiously. Keep the dirt and grime off you. Give you a nice cover so you don't get hurt by the other clubs when bouncing around in the cart and cause a dent. This is how you repay my kindness? By blasting shots OVER the ****ing green from 20, 30, 40, 15 yards away? Listen real close mother ****ing pitching wedge. If you ever, ever pull a stunt like that again I will get the hacksaw out and slice you up like a Thanksgiving turkey. But I'll do it slow. Real ****ing slow. And I'll video tape the whole mother ****ing thing. Yep. And I'll show it to all the other clubs in the bag. Just to let them know I' will not tolerate this type of play.
DO YOU ****ING HEAR ME???????
I hope so because if this ever happens again, I will encase you mother ****ers in concrete and sink you to the bottom of the mother ****ing ocean. The Feds will find Hoffa before they'll find you ****ers.
Is that clear?
**** this game. I'm going to bed.