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[b]On the Bench:[/b]
1st in the game: ROYC75: [i]University of Pine[/i]; Four year starter on the "All-Bench" team.
2nd in the game: morphius: [i]Mullet A&I[/i]; This "Sampson of Sundays" was originally a split end, but was conditioned to be the backup.
[b]Off-the-field personnel:[/b]
[b]Waterboy:[/b] alanm: [i]CMSU (Call Me Stupid University)[/i]; "Accidentally" replaced water with vodka. Was then named the team’s MVP.
[b]PR Man:[/b] RCG Chief: [i]Gretz College[/i]; Once quoted as saying "These idiots—um--I mean scholar athletes are the worst—er--I mean the cream of the crap—oops--I mean crop. We will win the Super Bowl in four years. Wait—make that 12 years to get there. If not, we’ll give it five more years. Either way, we have led and will continue to lead the league in attendance. No matter whether or not we’ve won a playoff game, we still have the third best record since 1990…" This diatribe continued for another hour or so.
[b]Masseuse:[/b] Smltheppl: [i]Springfield School of Aroma Therapy[/i]; 30 rub-downs and 12 "rub-ups" in an hour still a professional record.
[b]Youngin':[/b] raiderhader: [i]Kansas State University[/i]; Transferred to Manhattan after his high school team was beaten by the Wildcats 84-3.
[b]Legal counsel:[/b] AZ Chief: [i]Johnny Cochran School of Law[/i]; Famous for his line: "If the boys can’t run, give Bwana the gun."
[b]Media Guide Manager:[/b] Misplaced Chiefs Fan: [i]Packfan Skool of Nowlege[/i]; Managed to find a way to print that day’s guide with the attendance from that day’s game.
[b]Designated Smart Slapper:[/b] bkkcoh: [i]Harvard Divinity School[/i]; This former roomate of the soon-to-be former vice president took his cues from Mr. Gore: no matter how stupid something we say sounds, just go with it and call it truth.
[b]Executive in Charge of Player Fines:[/b] Clint in Wichita: [i]Wichita State[/i]; Fined WSU’s entire athletic department for keeping such a ridiculous mascot.
[b]Know it All:[/b] Packfan: [i]A$$hole Academy of Intellect[/i]; Was named by SI and all 31 NFL team’s media guides as the most intelligent and loyal fan in America. <BR>
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