|
[b]Team owner:[/b] Mi_chief_fan: [i]Daniel Snyder School of Team Ownership[/I] Has kept GM Bwana around for fear that certain "photos" will be brought to light.
[b]GM:[/b] Bwana: [i]Stalin School of Negotiating[/i]; Named "Best Dressed" by [i]PimpWeekly[/i] for second year in a row. Just wants five more years to prove what a mediocre team he can develop.
[b]Coaching staff:[/b]
[b]**Head Coach: [/b] TBA. Bwana surely has a friend that can bring up tears when a player gets a hang nail, doesn’t he?
[b]**OC:[/b] TBA. Got any other cronnies, Bwana? Darrell went to Washington.
[b]**DC:[/b] TBA. Got any other cronnies, Bwana? Darrell’s brother Darrell went to Washington also.
[b]ST Coach:[/b] Otter: [i]Stock School for the Study of Ineptitude[/i]; In 2000 set record for most men left uncovered and unblocked on one play with 11. Still has a job yet no one knows why …
Offense:
[b]QB:[/b] Mark M: [i]SMSU (Skinny Muthafucka State University)[/i]; Set career marks in yards short of the goaline, passes into double coverage and being blown into stands by 10 mph gusts. Almost won a playoff game. [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] $15 million worth of heavier shoes.
[b]FB:[/b] Bob Dole: [i]Congressional Community College[/i]; 59 carries within 3 yards of the goaline, 21 total yards, 0 TDs. [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] To have his heating bill paid.
[b]HB:[/b] Luz: [i]Ware R. University[/i]; Missed 4 games due to injury, another 6 because he didn’t know where to line up. [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] A salary to go with his hard work on chiefsplanet.com.
[b]HB:[/b] HC Chief: [i]G. Hill College[/i]; 2000 Stats: 12 games, 12 carries, 1,200 yards, 2 coach’s girlfriends. [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] Someone who swallows.
[b]HB:[/b] milkman, [i]Southern Cal[/i]; 2000 Stats: 50 carries, 500 yards, one name change. [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] Travis Henry as a teammate.
[b]WR:[/b] KPhobia: [i]San Francisco University[/i]; 2000 Stats: 76 receptions of the "ball" and 15 passes at the guy from Will & Grace. [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] To meet Christopher Lowell.
[b]WR:[/b] JOhn: [i]UMSL (University of Missouri for Slow Learners)[/i]; 2000 Stats: Caught 50 passes and 32 colds. [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] NyQuill.
[b]*WR:[/b] coryt: [i]Howe R. University[/i]; Unlike JOhn, wasn’t able to catch anything other than a cold. [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] NyQuill and Sudafed cocktail.
[b]OT[/b]: KCTitus: [i]Raytown South High School[/i]; (Went directly to pros due to Ray South’s superior ability to mold felons—er—I mean upstanding football professionals.) 2000 Stats: Gave up 12 sacks … only one was his own. [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] Al Gore’s head on a platter.
[b]OT[/b] KCWolfman: [i]Transylvania College[/i]; 2000 Stats: Flagged for holding defensmen 32 times...cheerleaders twice. [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] More cheerleaders.
[b]*OG:[/b] Russ: [i]Bliss University[/i]; 2000 Stats: Flagged for 12 false starts and one premature stop. [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] The ability to start again after stopping prematurely.
[b]*OG:[/b] bishop74: [i]L.S.D. (Louisiana State Diocese)[/i]; 2000 Stats: Set record for "tripping" penalties … but only once during a game. [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] For the room to stop breathing.
[b]C:[/b] Cameron Diaz: [i]Blewe University[/i]; She: 0 holding calls, 0 false starts; The rest of the team?: Everyone was flagged for "holding" and there were a number of false "starts." [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] More hair gel.
[b]TE:[/b] dawsonpa: [i]Pennsylvania School for Teachers[/i]; 2000 Stats: Her end was ranked #1 by SI … again. [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] To give teachers the right to beat up students who misbehave.
[b]TE:[/b] Mark Kilgore: [i]B.J.U.[/i]; 2000 Stats: 30 "receptions" with 0 dropped balls. [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] For his end to be tighter.
[b]*PK:[/b] Dartgod: [i]Elliot State[/i]; Set new record for FG percentage at .000000000000000000001%. [i]2001 SALARY CAP DEMANDS:[/i] Eye glasses, contacts, a monacle … just [i]something[/i].
[Edited by Mark M on 02-22-2001 at 07:23 AM]
|