Hey, pen, I stole your poopy pants. I can't hide my secret any longer.
If you want them back, send $10,000 in unmarked bills to the corner of 5th and Main in a black duffel bag with white straps. Put it in the green trash can.
The Chiefs will finish 5-11, Alex Smith will play horribly, and Geno and I will cackle with glee while he burns Kansas City.