Okay, you asked for it. Here is my greatest fart story.
I was at the movies with my former wife and a Navy buddy. We were watching Clint Eastwood's Heartbreak Ridge. This is a military movie, and as we were in Norfolk, the theater was packed.
Anyway, I cut the most vile, noxious, deadly green fog fart in the history of the universe right in the middle of the theater. It was a silent killer, though. I waited about five seconds, then stood up, looked at my wife and exclaimed "G#DDAMN!" and then moved to another seat. And my buddy moved with me.
She didn't speak to me for three days....