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One day a cowboy stumbles upon an Indian reservation and meets the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. He falls in love with her immediately, and she with him, but they both know that as a white man he'll never be accepted into her society.
But eventually the cowboy decides he can't go on without her, so he decides to pay a visit to the wise Indian chief of her village.
"So," says the chief. "You want to marry Squaw, white man? You must prove yourself to our people. Prove you are worthy of beautiful Squaw."
Naturally, the cowboy agrees.
"Look out over yonder," the chief says, pointing towards a group of 3 teepees. "In first tent is big, big bottle of firewater. It will burn your eyes, your mouth, your lips, your throat. You must drink entire bottle. Not a drop can be spilled."
The cowboy nods.
"In second tent is big, angry, grizzly bear. You must fight him with your bare hands. And you must kill him. Kill him, white man, before he kills you."
The cowboy nods again.
"In final tent is my wife. She is ugliest squaw in our village. You must make love to her. Pleasure her. Prove that you can satisfy a woman."
The cowboy nods once more.
"When you have completed all of these tasks, white man, return here to me. And if you have indeed proven your worth, I will let you marry."
The cowboy shakes the chief's hand and walks to the first teepee. There's nothing inside it except a huge bottle of liquor. The cowboy removes the cork and begins to chug. As promised, the liquor is overpowering and burns like nothing he's ever tasted before, but the cowboy presses on. He doesn't finish until he has drained the bottle dry.
Several minutes after entering, he staggers out of the teepee, wobbling and weaving.
"Now, white man," calls the chief. "Onto the next task."
The drunken cowboy nods and walks into the second teepee. Right away, a great roar is heard, and the cowboy is thrown out of the tent. He stands up and rushes back in. Sounds of a great struggle are heard, and again the cowboy is thrown outside the tent.
This time, he is bloody and weak. But he rises up and rushes back inside. The bear roars, then whimpers, and then all is quiet.
"White man?" calls the chief. "White man, are you still alive?"
The cowboy staggers out of the teepee. He's bloody and scratched, but he appears okay. The chief waves him over.
"You all right?" he asks. "Do you require medicine man?"
The drunk cowboy burps.
"Naw," he says. "I'm all right. Hell, that wasn't nothin'."
"Good."
"Now, tell me, chief," says the cowboy. "Where's that big ol' bear you wanted me to wrestle?"
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