[PunkinDrublic]

Quality smack about tard fans that I found online

Cardinal Nation is ruining the Cards for me
June 21, 2006

"Hi, everybody!"

"Hi, Dr. (Cy)nic!"

OK, there's my first lame Simpsons reference; I promise not to do any more for at least a month. (Note: That doesn't exclude other lame references to TV shows and movies. Expect plenty of those.) I'm Shawn, I'm cynical and bitter, and this is my blog. Nice to meet you.

The first thing everyone should know about me: I'm a Kansas City Royals fan. They're my first baseball love. The Cardinals are my second . . . well, sort of. I've always liked them, but my feelings always fell just short of love. Forget all the St. Louis vs. KC drama -- why can't a native Missourian root for both teams?

But after living in St. Louis for a little more than a year, I can guarantee that my fond feelings for the Cardinals will never blossom into love. In fact, they might be withering into hate. There's one simple reason: I can't stand most Cardinals fans. Here are the two main reasons.

They don't realize how good they have it. There's a prevailing sentiment in this town, spearheaded by a few local sports personalities, that Cardinals owner Bill DeWitt and the organization in general is cheap. That they aren't spending enough on their team. Fans of the Cardinals complaining about their owner pinching pennies is about as ridiculous as Ashlee Simpson complaining about Lindsay Lohan being a no-talent hack. The Cardinals payroll hovers around $90 million, which puts it, at worst, in the top 20 percent of the league. You want to talk about cheap owners? Look in Kansas City, Pittsburgh, Tampa Bay, Florida, Minnesota, etc. There's nothing more obnoxious than a fan of a team whose payroll exceeds the GNP of Togo complaining about that team's owner being cheap.

They aren't the "best fans in baseball." If I had a nickel for every time I heard a Cardinals backer start talking about this as if it were a conceded fact, I'd be at the World Cup right now. I'm not trying to say they're the worst fans, but there's no way they're the best. To be the best in baseball, a fan base needs to show better-than-average knowledge of the game in addition to extreme loyalty. Cards fans definitely don't show the required baseball IQ -- unless you count booing about the same old things (the pitcher throwing to first, intentional walks of a dangerous hitter with a base open, etc.) every common fan boos about. Who's the best? I don't know -- Maybe Red Sox or Yankees' fans? I just know it isn't Cardinals fans. Don't believe me? Here are a couple examples of Cards fans being . . . well . . . dumb:

1) Every time an opposing player hits a home run, Budweiser-fueled fans in the outfield bleachers start screaming for the person who caught the ball to ''throw it back.'' What's so bad about that, you ask? ''Throwing it back'' is a Wrigley Field tradition; the Cubs are the Cardinals' biggest rivals. The ''best fans in baseball'' can't imitate the traditions of their most hated rivals. 2) Cardinals fans give out curtain calls like Busch Stadium is a Broadway stage. Curtain calls are not supposed to be a nightly occurrence in baseball, folks. So Taguchi hitting an RBI single with the bases loaded to win the game should NOT be a curtain-call worthy occurrence. But it still happens in St. Louis. Oh, and one last thing: Stop mentioning being named ''Best Sports City'' by Sporting News when claiming the ''best fans'' title. St. Louis indeed was named BSC -- in 2002. That was four years ago. SN has named three cities BSC since then. It's a yearly award. Get the picture?

The worst thing is that I want to love the Cardinals. I love the way they play, and how can you not love that tradition? (I'm talking about the tradition of hard-nosed play and devotion to the game, not necessarily about the winning) But if I start loving the Cardinals, then I become a member of a fan base I can't stand. And I can't do that. That leaves me watching the Royals lose a ton of games, waiting for their next pitching prospect to flame out and waiting for college football season. Thanks a lot, Cardinal nation. Oh well . . . at least I've got fantasy baseball!

So which team has the best fans? Anybody want to visit this debate