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I think you've got a core of a good story, and I thought the first part was very strong. If I can offer two observations for improvement, they would be:
1. Did you really think about having and raising children at 11? Maybe I'm the one who is unusual, but that part struck me as a bit odd. I didn't think that a kid that age would be thinking about his own children. If that really happened, that's fine, but it made me furrow my brow a little.
2. You move to the financial part rather abruptly, and then only give it a paragraph. It feels like it's stuck onto the end of an otherwise good story. Perhaps you could build a little more volume into that part to balance it with the story.
Other than those two suggestions, it was very good. Maybe could use a chick with her bikini bottoms falling off, but then again, that's how all my favorite stories end.
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Active fan of the greatest team in NFL history.
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