Had it been me, I'd probably have pointed down the street to where the thieves live (I'm assuming their yard probably ain't in the greatest shape, either) and said "Go talk to those white trash c#cksuckers - they stole all my lawn equipment. And while you're at it, since I assume you're in tight with the Lord and all, perhaps you could get some lighting bolt or brimstone action going to wipe those ****ers off the block. Thanks for stopping by. Would you like a lemon bar?"
Personally, I live in a townhouse. The condo association takes care of that crap. A bunch of Mexicans mow my yard. It works for me.
I'm not mean; I just don't like you.