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I can relate somewhat although my rap sheet is not nearly as long as yours, and luckily I am not a felon. But..
I used to always be ****ing up, and getting in trouble. The only voilent "crimes" I ever commited were in self defense, and I have always been respectful of strangers regardless their particular walk of life. My problem, like you, is that I was extremely short sighted, I couldn't see the big picture for anything and I always thought it was me against the world. It took the police to come pull me out of my Father's house in handcuffs, in front of all his neighbors, with warrants in KS and MO and realize that the BS had to stop.
You've got to realize that it's a much much happier way of life to be the "nice" guy instead of the "tough" guy.
You've got to be able to completely cut off the bad people in your life and not feel bad about it. Surround yourself with positive people, and find ways to motivate yourself to do the right thing everyday.
Know that the party will always be there, so will the "party people". I like to have fun, but it's alot more fun when you are happy, and I can't be happy unless my bills are paid, and I have nice things. It's going to take hard work to get there.
Take pleasure in the work, have pride in yourself, and take pride in the little things, like mowing the yard, keeping a clean house, doing a friend a favor, cooking a nice dinner, getting exercise, etc.
Bottom line is figure out who you are and don't compromise for anyone. Everyone has had a "rough" life in one way or another, don't let that beat you down.
Anybody can reinvent themselves if they want to bad enough.
I'm not the best at articulating my thoughts on here, but I'm rooting for you man. I used to be the underdog too, and that's what makes me work harder now because success is addictive and it is the best revenge on anyone who ever doubted you. I'm just a 26 yr old former highschool dropout, with a checkered past so take this for what it's worth. God bless.
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