[Mr. Flopnuts]

This is all true. There is one thing that was forgotten in the OP though. It's the one single thing that has made me forget my golden rule of never growing up saying, "You kids today. You have no idea how easy you have it."

Porn.

Seriously. I'll be 32 years old in April. When I was kid, spank banks were not yet invented. I mean sure, you had a stash under the bed but it was constantly raided by the enemy. The torture that came along with those raids bore mental and physical scars oftentimes for weeks at a time.

A Playboy was the holy grail. If you could find the kid in the neighborhood that was able to grow a beard at 13 you were a lucky, lucky boy. Otherwise, it was JCPenney catalogs, seductive high school female sports pictures, or good old fashioned spying through the neighbor girls windows. There was always adventure, and it was a struggle to find the nipple through the HBO squiggly lines.

These days, kids need go no farther than google. Simply unfilter your preferences and type the word teen in to see what I mean. These kids today can't sport a hard on, let alone rub one out to a girl unless she's bruised, being ****ed in every oriface, and being choked all at the same time.

They have no idea how good they have it.