So, I have a message on my office phone this morning - it's from Chick.
Chick leaves a message that she is confirming said haircut for this morning at 11am, and that she would like to speak to me prior to that, if possible. Ah, shit. Look, I really don't give a F about her explanation, I'm just hopeful I can get her to cut my hair nude, in my office. Anyway, I oblige, and she comes down to my office around 9am this morning. Chick knocks on my door, and she comes into my office. Now, generally, she wears rather revealing clothes to show off her rack, but not today. Chick was in full Schoolmarm garb. LOL.
She has this whole, I know I got caught with a cock on my mouth, look on her face, and it's making me very uncomfortable - mainly because it wasn't my cock.
She proceeds to tell me that she and her husband have been having marital issues. Really, I'd have never guessed. I mean, I just figured she was using the guy in the barber chair to scratch her itchy tonsils. Well, chick proceeds to piss and moan like I'm her girlfriend. I look at my watch, hoping she'll take the hint. Backfire, she then turns on the eye faucets.
Chick - "I'm not a slut!"
ChiTown (looking about uncomfortably) - "No Problem"
Chick - "I'm not!"
Chi - "ok"
Chick - "You should have knocked!"
Chi - "I did, and you should have locked the door"
Chick - "I'm so EMBARRASSED"
Chi - "Yeah, well, if it's any consolation, you have a nice ass"
Chick - (more tears)
Chi - "alright, well I guess I'll see you at 11?" (knock, knock, knock)
OK, with the excitement of today, I sort of forgot that my wife was coming by my office around 9:30 so we could go to my son's classroom play together. F*&^! Chick sees wife - wife sees chick who has been crying - chick scurries out of office. This isn't going to end well, and my penis never even got out of my pants.
Chi - "Hey"
Wife - "........................."
Chi - "you ready to go?"
Wife - (looking for blunt object in my office to beat me with) "NO! WTF was that?"
Ok, at this point, I can't decide whether it would just be easier to lie and to say it was me in the barber chair, or to tell the truth while she's calls me a liar. Seriously, what woman is going to believe this shit.
Chi - "We're going to be late"
Wife - "**** You! What was that all about?"
Normally, I get turned on when my wife talks dirty, but somehow, my penis was going inverted at this point.
Chi - (blurting out the truth) "She gave a BJ to some guy in her barber chair and I watched.................." ****! Not watched you dumbass, SAW!
Wife - "You watched!" (Tears)
OK, at this point, I'm pretty sure my son will be without one or both parents at his class play. All b/c his Dad didn't get a blow job, but bore witness to one.
Chi - "SAW, not watched, SAW!"
Wife - (Cussing and crying - all very inaudible)
Chi - "Well, we need to go if we're going to........"
Wife - "BS, I can't believe you are cheating on me with a stripper"
This really sucks, ya know. First of all, she's a beauty technician, not a stripper - so I was a little offended by that. 2ndly, I NEVER FKG CHEATED, GAWDAMNIT! Nevertheless, my marriage of 15+ years, is about to go down in flames in less than 15 minutes. Short of a Nuclear Holocaust blowing through Wichita, I thought this whole sequence was going rather well....
Chi - "She cuts my hair - THAT's all"
Wife - (she's now on her cell phone - I had no idea she had our lawyer on speed dial)
Chi - "Hun?"
Wife -"I don't want to be around you. I'm going to the play, and would prefer if you didn't go" (office door slams shut)
Swellsville. **** it. I have half of a mind to go up to Chick's shop and get the BJ that my wife thinks I have already received. At least I wouldn't be lying in her eyes at that point.
Chi - (phoning the hair salon) "yeah, I need to cancel my appointment for today"
Phone Hooker (IQ of 3) - Would you like to reschedule, Mr. ChiTown?
Chi - "No. Not until that marriage wrecking, cock sucker leaves your salon"
Phone Hooker - "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh", I don't understand (click)