OK, with the excitement of today, I sort of forgot that my wife was coming by my office around 9:30 so we could go to my son's classroom play together. F*&^! Chick sees wife - wife sees chick who has been crying - chick scurries out of office. This isn't going to end well, and my penis never even got out of my pants.
Chi - "Hey"
Wife - "........................."
Chi - "you ready to go?"
Wife - (looking for blunt object in my office to beat me with) "NO! WTF was that?"
Ok, at this point, I can't decide whether it would just be easier to lie and to say it was me in the barber chair, or to tell the truth while she's calls me a liar. Seriously, what woman is going to believe this shit.
Chi - "We're going to be late"
Wife - "**** You! What was that all about?"
Normally, I get turned on when my wife talks dirty, but somehow, my penis was going inverted at this point.
Chi - (blurting out the truth) "She gave a BJ to some guy in her barber chair and I watched.................." ****! Not watched you dumbass, SAW!
Wife - "You watched!" (Tears)
OK, at this point, I'm pretty sure my son will be without one or both parents at his class play. All b/c his Dad didn't get a blow job, but bore witness to one.
Chi - "SAW, not watched, SAW!"
Wife - (Cussing and crying - all very inaudible)
Chi - "Well, we need to go if we're going to........"
Wife - "BS, I can't believe you are cheating on me with a stripper"
This really sucks, ya know. First of all, she's a beauty technician, not a stripper - so I was a little offended by that. 2ndly, I NEVER FKG CHEATED, GAWDAMNIT! Nevertheless, my marriage of 15+ years, is about to go down in flames in less than 15 minutes. Short of a Nuclear Holocaust blowing through Wichita, I thought this whole sequence was going rather well....
Chi - "She cuts my hair - THAT's all"
Wife - (she's now on her cell phone - I had no idea she had our lawyer on speed dial)
Chi - "Hun?"
Wife -"I don't want to be around you. I'm going to the play, and would prefer if you didn't go" (office door slams shut)
Swellsville. **** it. I have half of a mind to go up to Chick's shop and get the BJ that my wife thinks I have already received. At least I wouldn't be lying in her eyes at that point.
Chi - (phoning the hair salon) "yeah, I need to cancel my appointment for today"
Phone Hooker (IQ of 3) - Would you like to reschedule, Mr. ChiTown?
Chi - "No. Not until that marriage wrecking, cock sucker leaves your salon"
Phone Hooker - "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh", I don't understand (click)