[Hammock Parties]

Someone make this.

Since I get asked about this from various people from time to time, I figure I will share it with a handy guide.

What is a PGGB?

A Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is a drink I've concocted that has no taste of alcohol whatsoever. What started as a recipe I found via Google turned into a monstrous demon that can be made glass-by-glass, or en masse in gallon pitchers. I make them for every forum meet I go to, and as many will claim, it'll get you drunk. And fast.

But I don't like booze.

It's okay! I've even gotten people who can't drink anything to chug a glass. Ask Jack Frost's boyfriend. People who never drink who get drunk is the funniest shit in the world.

What the **** is it then, get to the ****ing point.

2 parts dark tequila
2 parts dark rum
1 part grenadine
top off with OJ

That's just a tequila sunrise with rum.

Ah, or so you think. Proportionally, when being made in a huge batch, it's about half liquor, half OJ. But if you're using a highball glass, replace "parts" with "shots" to get the most efficient version. But making them glass by glass is an annoying speedhump on the road to Drunksville. A common problem is the drunker you get, you add more liquor, which you still can barely taste, and then you vomit gooey syrupy mess all over your nice clean bathroom.

So what do I need to get me and my roommates annihilated?

1 gallon pitcher
1/2 gallon measurement container (they sell these at any grocery store)

The half gallon container is easier to use if it has milliliter measurements on the side. Half a gallon is about 1800 mL, so that means:

720 mL dark tequila
720 mL dark rum
360 mL grenadine

Mix all of these in the half gallon container, adding the grenadine last. You always want to add the grenadine last as it is very syrupy and has a tendency to stick to whatever container it's in, which could affect the mixture.

Pour into gallon pitcher, then fill the container up with 1800 mL of OJ to get any of the straggler drops of booze. Dump in Pitcher. If you want to stir it, go for it. Place pitcher in fridge and wait about an hour as the walls of the pitcher begin to corrode and decay into oblivion. If you like it colder add ice instead of letting it sit overnight, as overnight the booze begins to separate from the OJ and it just looks nastly.

Variants

From experimentation and watching puzzled bartenders make me a PG, I've found some things that are nifty ideas:

Slushies: Ice + blender + PG = brain freeze and literally tastes like water. Obviously if you have never used a blender for alcohol, it's best to make sure you have a glass blender so you don't **** up your $20 Wal-Mart special.

Alternate juices: Once for the work Christmas party we had the bartender make me a bunch of these, and they gave boners to all involved, they were so good. When I asked about it during my third or fourth one, she needed to be reminded of what the mixers were. When I said it, she said, "we don't have OJ so I'm using pineapple juice instead."

I have yet to make a variant myself with pineapple juice as Joe is allergic to pineapples. But if you prefer sweeter drinks, mixing half and half OJ and PJ or just straight up PJ can work. I'd test drive it first though just to be sure.

Big Ol' ****ed Up Drum: At Beach House last year there was a 3 gallon iced tea pot. So I put in some ice, poured the entire contents of two half gallon bottles of liquor, a bottle of grenadine, and a gallon and some change of OJ. You use a little bit more rum/tequila this way, so you have to add more OJ to counteract it.

WARNINGS: READ THIS PLEASE


-THIS DRINK STAINS AND STAINS BAD WHEN IT DOES. DO NOT SPILL ON THINGS MADE OF CLOTH.

-The grenadine makes it thicker and grenadine is very sticky in general so don't spill it on hard surfaces either unless you clean it up immediately. It will become a bitch to un-gum it from your kitchen floor in the morning. This also means cleanup of the pitchers need to be done within a day or so.

-If you're making a batch, drink it all before morning. It'll separate and then it just gets nasty.

-Be careful how much you drink! As you cannot taste the alcohol you wind up getting more ****ed up than you think you are. Drink this at a place where you know you won't be driving home as I'm surprised I haven't killed anyone yet. YET. It'll hit you like a ****ing trainwreck. But, for what it's worth, it gets a lot of people drunk for $40 (approximately - $40 will net your two gallons worth).

-Don't use expensive/name brand shit. Some people say "oh I can't drink anything that bottom shelf" but bottom line, when this is all mixed it's going to be tasteless, so don't waste money on Cuervo or Bacardi (not that Bacardi is worth drinking period). I once actually did make a batch with Cuervo and Bacardi, and it honestly tasted like ass from being too rich. Tortilla tequila and Castillo dark rum work fine. I recommend Jacquin's or Ready Rabbit for the grenadine. Also get half gallon bottles as it's the most efficient way to make two batches.

-Don't use real OJ either. You can if you want, but at that point it makes the drink too thick. You may enjoy that though. Cheapo shit made from concentrate/watery OJ facsimiles thin the drink out (once again, grenadine is syrupy)

-Vomiting this stuff back up will be the most harrowing experience of your life.

-If you still feel like it is too strong, add more OJ to your glass.

Overview

This is not a newbie drink. Two Solo cups worth send someone who drinks every once and again packing. A non drinker will be passed out by the end of the first. A seasoned alcoholic like me takes about 4 or 5 to go down. Hence why saving this for meets/parties is a must. But - it's cheap, it tastes good, and it's reliable.

Drink irresponsibly.