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A New Year's Meditation.
This year, like many previous years, promises to be stressful what with the recession and the inflation and the IRS breathing down your neck and all. So, I would like to share this meditation with my fellow Planeteers.
Sit back and close your eyes. Breathe very slowly and very deeply. That's it ... slowly and deeply ... breath after breath ... in and out ... now ... imagine yourself walking on a beautiful beach ... as you walk, the rhythm of the ocean waves touching the sand makes you very sleepy ... you feel the warm glow of the sun on your skin and the soft ocean breeze caresses you ... you are perfectly safe ... and completely peaceful ... as you walk along the beautiful beach, you see a tall palm tree that beckons to you .... you walk toward the palm tree and sit down below its swaying fronds ... you allow its shade to cool your skin ... you are safe here ... perfectly comfortable and relaxed ... and at perfect peace ... as you sit, a man with a boom box walks up the beach ... the boom box is loud ... very loud ... but you ignore the sound ... instead, you focus on the perfect wind and the perfect sun and the ocean waves ... you are safe and perfectly and completely peaceful in this place ... then a very, very fat lady in a two piece bikini throws her towel down on the beach right in front of you ... she lies on the towel ... her ass is enormous ... and dimply ... you've never seen anything like this ... you wonder how she can wipe her ass ... you tear your eyes away and focus completely on your breathing ... breathing in and out ... in and out ... the sun is warm and you are safe ... with each breath, all tension flows out of your body ... you feel yourself relaxing completely when one of those 4x4 off-road car things roars down the beach ... the thing makes a sharp turn in front of you and throws sand from its wheels in your direction ... the sand gets in your nose ... it's in your eyes ... it's in your mouth ... it's hard to breath ... then the fat lady rolls on her towel and moans like a whale on quaaludes ... my god ... she must have millions of dimples on her ass ... the guy with the boombox has increased the volume ... you focus on your breathing like never before ... you breathe like hell ... in and out goddamn it ... you are goddamn peaceful and relaxed ... you are completely friggin' safe here and the sun is friggin' warm ... then, a beautiful, white seagull flies silently above you on perfect wings and a perfect wind ... the seagull shits on your head ... you reach into your bag and retrieve a .38 snub nose ... you shoot the seagull ... then you put the fat lady out of her misery with one to the temple ... then you shoot the guy with the boom box between the eyes ... nice shot ... you put your remaining rounds into the guy driving the 4x4 ... you replace your weapon in your bag and breath ... in and out ... you are now safe and at peace and relaxed ...
FAX
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