[Otter]

Hopefully it goes something like this:

"First off, I wholeheartedly admit I'm probably the biggest dumb ass alive for making the decision to get married as rich, professional athlete while in my early 30s. I mean who in his right mind would have thunk that a good looking, pro athlete millionaire in his early 30's would want to sleep with more than one woman for the rest of his life? *pffft* That was sarcasm people.

I'm cutting my losses and giving her half my shit with an agreement that my future earnings cannot be touched. She'll never have to work a day again in her life and live like a queen to shut her up because I know I'm never going to live down sleeping with 20 women while I was married to her. I know I'll spend the rest of my life living like a beaten dog staying married to her.

Anyway, the boys, you know who you are, your plane tickets are on the way to your house via parcel. I have the penthouse at The Bellagio for two weeks before I have to go out and start winning some more tournaments.

To the media; you're a bunch of ****ing vultures. **** you. Everyone else, I'll see on the golf course."

(walks off with middle finger raised over shoulder)