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Old 03-21-2011, 08:33 AM   #139
JD10367 JD10367 is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
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There's no way anything could live up to the coolness of the original two films (ANH and ESB). ROTJ was a little wimpier with the Ewoks but it was still a well-done ending to the story. The space battle, for its time, was very well done. It had Jabba, the Rancor, the floating barge, a metal bikini, some plot wrapup points (yeah, he's your dad; yeah, she's your sister, and you kissed her, you incestual bastard). Vader turned good. Everything wrapped up nicely.

Then Lucas had to make the first three. TPM, at the time, seemed a horrible piece of shit. But that was before we saw AOTC and ROTS. Those two blew horrible chunks. There's very little redeeming in any of them. The first film? Jar-Jar alone is worth caning Lucas over, but then throw a little Jewish flying big-nose alien, a horribly overlong podrace with a two-headed announcer, a pouty little kid, the fact that Darth Vader frigging BUILT C3-PO (please)... ugh. Second film was so craptacular that I can't even recall anything from it. The third film, again, craptacular acting and--aside from watching Vader get his black suit snapped on him--there's nothing redeeming about it.

But then ****face had to go back and "improve" the original three. It was like taking spraypaint to the Mona Lisa. A computer-animated Jabba that has Han "stepping on his tail" to account for the fact that Harrison Ford circled the human actor in the unused footage? Solo firing second? A computer-animated long-snouted singer in Jabba's house band and totally replacing the original cheesy music with even worse music? Showing everyone partying down after the second Death Star blew up, and replacing the actor in the final scene with Hayden ****ing Christiansen? There isn't a flaming AIDS tree big enough for Lucas to crash into. I'm just glad I have the original films from before the "restoration".
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